All alone and far from home - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 64

The ambivalence of both disapproving of and envying others' lifestyle causes her confu-
sion. But her strong self-image as a productive working woman makes her reject the other
women's way of life. Gradually she develops a self-centered attitude, colored with cyn-
icism. Such an attitude helps turn people off, which in turn makes her more bitter. This
becomes a downward spiral.
Meanwhile, her attempts to penetrate into the local community have created another dis-
appointment. Christina finds her local Asian colleagues keep her at a distance. They may
be friendly, but no one allows her to get to know them closely. In their eyes, she remains
the outsider, even though they all work together.
This causes her further frustration and confusion. She doesn't seem to fit into either
group. People in Christina's situation are bound to feel left out, alone and unhappy. It is not
uncommon that they may question who they are.
In fact, what Christina is experiencing can be likened to culture shock. After all, she is no
longer living at home and what she now encounters—the “antique and boutique clique”—is
just part of the local expatriate culture. As with other local customs, one doesn't have to
like or become part of it, but accept it for what it is. She needs to adapt and make the best
of the situation rather than totally reject whatever is different from her former experience.
Christina's need to feel useful and capable is important to her. By no means should she stop
pursuing her career. However, she needs to be aware of her own cynicism. It causes her
to pass hasty judgment on any foreign woman she comes across. This will further sabot-
age her opportunities to meet potential friends. Such an attitude also keeps her isolated and
helps sustain her loneliness.
People like Christina have to learn to accept the fact that the price for their career ad-
vancement may mean some social sacrifices, particularly within the limited environment
of an expatriate community. They may not be able to associate with the type of people they
were used to back home. Instead of turning sour, they need to learn how to live with it and
be open for new opportunities to make friends.
L ONELY WORKING MEN
“Business, no problem! But when it comes to making friends I feel like a loser,”
Andrew said.
Andrew, a businessman in his mid-thirties, has lived in Korea for three years. He enjoys
prosperity in business, but socially he is dissatisfied. He feels lonely, frustrated and without
friends he can relate to.