Travel Reference
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“I'm so frustrated! I feel such a misfit here,” said Christina, in tears. “At work I'm
the boss, yet in social settings I'm the oddball.”
Christina, an architect in her early forties, moved to Malaysia over twelve months ago.
Both she and her husband went abroad for job advancement and are satisfied career-wise.
Christina spent the past several months adjusting to the new environment and job, and now
is trying to build a friendship network. To her disappointment, she finds she can't relate to
most women she runs into socially.
Regardless of feminist attitudes in most Western societies, the fact of the matter is that
among expatriate communities, most men work and most of their wives don't. Often this is
due to language or visa restrictions. Nevertheless, it can make those women who do pursue
a career abroad feel out of place.
Back home, Christina had good social support and many working female friends with
whom she could share intellectually and talk about work as well as personal interests. In
Kuala Lumpur she finds she has to go against great odds to make friends. When she hits it
off with someone, the person may suggest. “Let's get together for afternoon tea.”
“Afternoon tea! What they mean is expat women in this town don't work, and they
assume you're the same,” Christina said with a smirk.
She finds it difficult to identify with people she meets socially. “How long can a person
carry on talking about antiques, jewelry or shopping?” Christina said. She finds it uncom-
fortable to share things she is interested in talking about, especially things related to work.
She is afraid of being perceived as a show-off. She also senses other women's uneasiness
around her because of their lack of common interests. She feels lonely and dissatisfied and
frequently cries in front of her husband.
Christina is experiencing identity confusion. She feels distressed at not being able to
identify with those who are supposed to be her peers. Though such people are of the same
socio-economic level, same gender, and same or similar culture, they seem to be worlds
apart from her.
She used to associate with working female professionals back home, whereas presently
all she runs into are mostly non-working wives. This poses a big conflict in her. She begins
to see herself more as the “weird” one than the norm, as she used to be back in her home
country.
On the other hand, Christina feels somewhat righteous being part of the workforce and
tends to hold herself above the other wives, who she sees as nonproductive. At the same
time, she cannot help feeling jealous toward these people. They can afford not to work and
enjoy having time to do things that Christina never has the leisure to do.
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