All alone and far from home - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 62

There is some truth to the belief that in Asia the chances for a non-Asian female to find
a partner are not as high as back in their home territory. Yet before entirely blaming the
environment for the lack of opportunities, one should look at other factors.
Female professionals have to live up to a certain expected or self-imposed image in the
business world. Even during social occasions both women and men find it difficult to “let
their hair down”: always worried about their reputations, constantly on the alert for pro-
spective clients and business contacts. Thus someone like Lynn feels the need to maintain
her cool, assertive, strong businesswoman image at all times. Men may then treat her more
as a colleague or buddy than as a potential romantic partner.
When traveling Lynn is able to lower her guard more easily. She can interact with men
much more freely, which enables romance to blossom more easily.
Clearly, the first step for Lynn to help herself is to compare how she interacts with men
while traveling to how she interacts with them in her everyday environment. She has to re-
mind herself to stop always being the high-powered businesswoman and let others get to
know her as a person. She may feel uneasy to begin with, but unless she is willing to take
some risks she will be stuck where she is.
Another notion a woman such as Lynn must resist is the fantasy that she will be rescued
by a knight in shining armor. If only (she imagines to herself) on some trip abroad she
meets Mr. Right, she will gladly abandon her home and her job in favor of a committed
relationship. This fantasy can get out of hand. Any excuse to travel-and thus increase the
chances of meeting Mr. Right-such as business, weddings, even a birthday party on the oth-
er side of the world, is latched on to. This further contributes to the confusion about where
she belongs and what she is looking for.
There are many expatriate women like Lynn. Each must make an important decision:
either to move to a place with a more conducive social environment and possibly accept a
lesser job in that place, or to stay and work on the solution from within. Clearly the latter
makes more sense. Asia may be a romantic desert for many non-Asian women, but even in
the desert flowers bloom.
She should set aside a period of six months during which she will not entertain the idea
of leaving, and will travel only when unavoidably necessary. By limiting her own horizons,
this will force her to concentrate more fully on getting the most of what is around her. It
also increases her chances of bumping into Mr. Right, right here where she lives, works
and, for the time being, calls home.
L ONELY WORKING WOMEN — MARRIED