Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
Secondly, they have to start focusing on specific issues that they have put off discussing,
such as Joe's contract. Joe has to share his plans, while Elaine should express her anxiety
without exaggerating or acting out. Problems must be dealt with when they arise, not put
off until “after the trip”.
Lastly is finding time to keep each other updated and openly share thoughts and feelings.
After all, Joe works hard to provide for the family, so perhaps the goal to preserve the fam-
ily needs to be the top task.
The other side of frequent traveling is the home-based spouse who has perhaps adjusted too
well to their partner's absences.
“She treats me like an outsider!”
Betsy's husband James is an executive who is on the road two weeks out of every month.
Since they relocated abroad nine months earlier, she has been trying to get herself settled.
To keep busy during her husband's trips away she built up an active social life for herself
and has also become involved in charity fundraising.
Both Betsy and her husband enjoy their time together whenever he is in town. But re-
cently tension has been building up and they often fight over trivial matters. James com-
plains that Betsy is too involved with her friends even when he is in town. He feels she is
shortchanging, even ignoring, him. After all, when he is not around she has plenty of time
with her friends and volunteer groups. Why should her social life invade their precious and
limited time together?
James has a point. It is natural for anybody in his position to expect his wife to give
him the highest priority. However, James hasn't realized that lately they live very different
lives. Betsy doesn't travel often and has worked hard to build a life for herself. She cannot
drop everything whenever he is back in town. She feels he is trivializing her friendships
and charity work; in short, trivializing her own needs.
On the other hand, complains Betsy, all James does when he is home is sleep! Much of
his time is spent recovering from the exhaustion of travel. Yet he expects her to be there.
Sex and intimacy are either nonexistent or scheduled in an unspontaneous way.
What's more, James doesn't hide his disappointment when his homecoming is not
greeted with excitement. He is happy and relieved to be home. He can finally unload
everything and have a compassionate partner to share with and to listen to him. Yet for
Betsy his homecomings are routine matters, His demands for attention are seen as an in-
trusion into her daily routine. After weeks of running a self-sufficient life, to be a sharing
partner also requires time to shift modes.
It is by no means easy for frequent travelers and their families to maintain a “normal”
family life. It requires mutual effort to create a workable lifestyle that pleases both partners.
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