The expatriate marriage - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 12

recalls: “Bill and I fought a lot over minor things, but I never thought it bothered him that
much until he told me recently.”
Why did such a thing not occur back home? Why now, after she gave up everything to
move abroad with him?
The expatriate lifestyle itself probably served as a catalyst, bringing to the surface, and
accelerating, problems that may already have existed in the marriage.
One of the challenges many expatriates face is “identity inflation”, in which the image of
one's lifestyle leads to unrealistic expectations. Living overseas means being able to enjoy
things they never dreamt of having in the past: a glamorous lifestyle, elevated social status,
meeting important and interesting people from all over the world, travel, and a live-in maid
to take care of domestic chores.
The comfortable lifestyle often leads people to believe everything should be perfect,
while deep inside they possess a sense of emptiness. Many wives remark that they don't
feel grounded in the new place, that they can never think of the overseas post as “home”.
They view everything there as temporary. The attachments to “back home” are strong, since
most family and friends are still there. The idea of settling down in the foreign land is not
appealing at all.
The loss of professional identity compounds the problem. Many women whose spouses
are transferred overseas give up their own professional careers to relocate with their hus-
bands. Before, their careers provided a great deal of satisfaction and a sense of achieve-
ment. After the relocation, fulfillment is supposed to be through the husband's career and
accomplishments. Such a change is not very pleasing.
M ARGARET
Margaret gave up her nursing career to move to Hong Kong with her husband, Bill. In do-
ing so, she shifted roles from working mother to full-time home-maker. Now she is facing
the possibility of losing even this role because of her husband's affair.
Margaret desperately began looking for things which could give her fulfillment. Her ca-
reer prospects being limited due to language barriers, she turned to the only outlet available
to many expatriate women: volunteer work. She halfheartedly joined some charitable fund-
raising activities, hoping it would make her life more meaningful. However, finding a way
of passing time doesn't solve the original problem.
Margaret feels as if her identity has been stripped away. Her sense of self-worth is
shattered. Even though she enjoys the social status of her husband's position, she sees her-
self as very much Bill's dependent. She resents this and wishes Bill would give her more
support and understanding, after she gave up so much for him.