The expatriate marriage - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 11

M ARRIAGE ABROAD
Moving overseas is a family experience. Most people bring their spouse or family with them.
Many single expatriates marry in the foreign country, whether to locals or other foreigners.
Either way, married life abroad has its own special advantages, as well as its own special
problems.
Many couples experience changes in their marriage after moving abroad. Whether the
changes are caused by the environment, lifestyle, new economic or social status, or a com-
bination of these, the move can put strain in a relationship. The marriage, just like the indi-
viduals in it, has to adapt to the new place.
Both marriage partners must be strong and flexible to deal with the new stresses and
strains of a move abroad. A relationship that weathers such changes is a truly loving rela-
tionship and will be all the stronger for it.
F OREIGN AFFAIRS
One of the most well-known maxims in any expatriate community is that “Hong Kong (or
Rome, or Rio de Janeiro, or (fill in the blank) is a marriage graveyard.” It is certainly true
that expatriates suffer from a high number of extra-marital affairs and formerly stable mar-
riages suddenly ending in divorce. It is easy, and tempting, to place the blame outward: on
the “exotic local girls” or the boredom of being an expatriate wife. But usually the real reas-
ons are to be found by looking inward.
Margaret found out that her husband has been having an affair. “I can't believe he
did this to me after I gave up my job, and all my friends, to move overseas for the sake
of his career,” she said, fighting back tears.
Margaret is 40 years old, married 15 years, with a daughter of 12. Lately she has been
suffering from insomnia and depression. “I know our marriage wasn't the best, but it
wasn't as bad as he says. Of course, he blames it all on me,” she said with a helpless
look.
Devastated and confused, Margaret is considering divorce.
Like most people in her situation, Margaret blames the affair for destroying her 15-year
marriage. She believes that the novelty and exoticness of the local girls made her husband
turn away from his own family. No doubt the affair has contributed to their breaking up, yet
it is not likely to be the sole cause. Marital discord doesn't happen overnight. As Margaret