Happily ever after - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 115

couple in a constant tug of war in which mutual understanding and agreement cannot be
reached.
LIVING ARRANGEMENTS : Where a couple will live after marriage, and the prox-
imity to parents and in-laws, has a direct impact on career opportunities, social life and
family support. If either side is unsatisfied with the arrangement it will be difficult to create
a loving and harmonious atmosphere at home.
CHILDREN : Many people put little thought into the enormous impact children can
have on a newlywed couple. Children affect a couple's intimacy, social life, finances, career
plans, and other life priorities. An engaged couple must reach a mutual understanding and
agreement on whether to have children, when, and how many. This is crucial, since any
hidden frustration or resentments on this matter will most likely be passed on to the chil-
dren.
The business of child rearing also needs to be considered carefully. Whether the mother
will return to work and how the children will be disciplined and trained should be discussed
before the baby comes. Differences in opinion over child raising often lead to tremendous
conflict and argument, causing not only bad feelings between the parents, but also confu-
sion in the child.
FINANCE : Money is always a sensitive issue within a marriage. It can be a source of
competition or manipulation in a battle for control and power. It is important for the pro-
spective bride and groom to clearly discuss future financial arrangements and the way they
view money. Other questions they should ask themselves are: How will financial decisions
be made? Will the both husband and wife work? Full time or part time? Who will be in
charge of family budgeting? How does each feel about the issues of credit and debt? Or
about receiving money from parents?
COMMUNICATION : It is important that a couple learn how to share their feelings
and how to work through disagreements prior to and after the wedding. Honest and direct
communication will provide strength for couples to withstand and resolve differences. An
unhealthy pattern of communication can cause mistrust and destruction in a marriage.
Other important areas for discussion include religion, attitudes toward in-laws and
friends, diet and hygiene.
All these areas need to be discussed and explored at least six months before the actual
wedding. However, it is easy to lose our objectivity when it comes to issues that directly
reflect our views and beliefs. It is helpful to seek premarital counseling from a supportive
clergyman or counselor.
Premarital counseling is a short-term process which usually requires about six to seven
sessions. Through this the bride and groom-to-be will have an opportunity to evaluate their