Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
views and expectations of marriage as well as prepare themselves for a realistic way of
handling future marital issues.
H
OW
TO
STAY
HAPPILY
MARRIED
Eliminating misconceptions before marriage does not prevent new ones from arising after-
wards.
There are a lot of myths about marriage. For example: “After several years, marriage is
bound to become less exciting, routine and dull.” This is only true if you're willing to settle
for a merely mediocre marriage, which is then what you'll get.
Marriage is like a living plant which constantly needs water, fertilizer and, most of all,
care. The longer you are married, the more work you have to put in to keep the marriage
flourishing.
Following are several questions a therapist routinely asks to evaluate the state of a mar-
riage. These will give you some guidelines in evaluating your own state of marital or rela-
tionship satisfaction.
H
OW
MUCH
TIME
DO
YOU
SPEND
WITH
YOUR
SPOUSE
?
“Plenty,” say many couples. However, when we get down to it, time that couples spend
together exclusively for intimacy and expression of feelings towards each other is very lim-
ited. Such time can be viewed in a hierarchy. Is the time you spend with your spouse:
High-quality time
: attentive and intimate, either verbally or non-verbally communicat-
ing with each other without outside distractions?
Medium-quality time
: more business-like, voicing each other's views about children,
in-laws, other family issues or work?
Low-quality time
: together within the same premises, but either one or both is occupied
by chores, television, children or computer?
Special effort is required to create more high-quality time together when living in a dis-
tracting foreign environment.
W
HAT KIND OF PRIORITY DO YOU GIVE YOUR PARTNER AS FAR AS
TIME
IS
CONCERNED
?
•
Do you make time to be with your spouse no matter how busy you may be?
•
Do you spend time with your spouse only when he or she asks?
•
Are you sharing your leftover time with your spouse, only when you have no
other things to do?
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