Death and divorce - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 93

Though Sandy was previously active with charity work, she can no longer afford the
time. She is busy seeking employment and rebuilding her life. Her hands are full dealing
with all the changes which come with divorce. Besides having to figure out who she is, she
must also face the question of where she belongs.
In Sandy's case, she is in Taiwan because of Louis's career. After so many years there,
the place is very much her home. Yet after the divorce there is no specific reason for her to
remain. In many countries, a divorced unemployed foreigner will automatically lose their
resident status. Thus, for Sandy to stay means finding her own career, both to support her-
self and to provide her with a visa.
Although Sandy receives a reasonable amount of maintenance, the idea of relying on
someone who doesn't want to share her life makes her feels degraded and dependent.
Therefore, finding a job is also an issue of self-esteem.
Yet when it comes to employment, she faces barriers because of her limited Chinese,
and without specific marketable skills she may find herself unemployable. This makes it
difficult to re-establish herself as an independent entity.
“I would be better off leaving Taiwan to have a fresh start.”
Going home for Sandy seems like a natural move. But where is home for her? Being
away from her native Belgium for so many years, she has grown apart from friends and
places she once felt she belonged to. Furthermore, she and Louis have always lived in com-
pany flats, which leaves her not even a room she can call home. Sandy feels she has no
“home” to return to anymore.
Even though Belgium was Sandy's native land, upon returning she would have to read-
just, re-establish a social network and go through reverse cultural shock. All these can be
overwhelming, on top of the emotional and other personal changes caused by the divorce.
Also, she feels forced by circumstances into leaving. She may end up resenting the move
to Belgium as much as the divorce.
Adjustment to divorce is hard enough by itself. An immediate move can cause additional
commotion. If possible, people should limit the changes made at one time. Allow time to
adjust to life without a partner or to being a single parent. Running away will not cure the
pain, but may compound it even more.
Weigh the pros and cons of remaining abroad or returning home. Do not try to make a
life-long decision during the immediate post-divorce stage. After all, once you can cope
with the change and gradually rebuild your life your outlook will be different. Then is the
right time for making long-term plans.
On the other hand, if you choose to go home you should reserve some emotional space.
Do not feel obligated to report or share with people if you don't want to or aren't ready.