The concept of romantic love in Judaism is present from its earliest sacred texts and myths. In Genesis, the first topic of the Pentateuch tells the story of Jacob’s love for Rachel and the seven years that he had to work to become her husband. The narrator includes the parenthetic statement that “So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her” (Genesis 29:20).
The story of Isaac and Rebecca, also found in Genesis, exemplifies a different sort of love. Read literally, the Hebrew text says that when Rebecca first saw Isaac, she fell off the camel on which she was riding. On the other hand, the text reveals a less romantic and perhaps more Freudian explanation of the relationship from Isaac’s side: “Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebecca; and she became his wife, and he loved her, and Isaac was comforted after his mother” (Genesis 24:67).
A third biblical example of such love and devotion is found in the first chapter of 1 Samuel, which describes the birth of the prophet. His mother, Hannah, is the beloved but barren wife of Elkanah. Every year he gives her a double portion of gifts after visiting the tabernacle at Shiloh. However, she is ridiculed by her rival and fertile co-wife Peninah. When Elkanah sees Hannah’s distress as evidenced by her weeping and fasting, he says to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why don’t you eat? Why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?” There are few such conversations in the Hebrew Bible; this one clearly demonstrates the powerful love that Elkanah felt for his wife.
However, although present in the Hebrew Bible, romantic love is not considered the norm. Rather, it is viewed as a potentially disruptive force that can upset family and tribal plans. The potential suffering of the unloved spouse, particularly in polygamous society, is also addressed in the Torah and elaborated on by the rabbis in Talmudic debate. The importance of treating the beloved and the hated wife and their children with fairness with regard to inheritance and other factors is emphasized.
Again, romantic love is seen as unavoidable, but problematic.
The most magnificent expression of romantic love found in the Bible is in the Song of Songs. It is so sensual that there was a great debate over including it in the Jewish canon. In the Song of Songs (8:6-7), Judaism affirms that “love is strong as death” and that “many waters cannot quench love; neither can the floods drown it.” Acceptance of this ode to romantic love was permitted only after allegorizing the human love of man and woman as the love of God for the people of Israel.
The Jewish tradition also includes a version of “Sadie Hawkins Day.” In the Talmud, Rabbi Simeon ben Gamliel said there never were in Israel greater days of joy than the fifteenth of Av and the Day of Atonement (Ta’anit 4:8). On these days the daughters of Jerusalem used to walk out in white garments that they borrowed, to avoid casting shame on anyone who had none. And as the daughters of Jerusalem danced in the vineyards, they exclaimed, “Young man, lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself. Do not set your eyes on beauty but set them on good family. Grace is deceitful and beauty is vain. But a woman that fears God, she will be praised.”
In contemporary times, Tu B’av (the fifteenth day of the Hebrew month of Av) has become a day for celebrating romantic love. Occurring just six days after the ninth of Av— the official Jewish day of mourning for the destruction of the Second Temple—and after a period of three weeks of semi-mourning during which weddings are forbidden according to Jewish law, Tu B’av has become the most popular wedding day of the year in Israel.
