Let’s Get Plastered - The Coconut Chronicles: Two Guys, One Caribbean Dream House - page 231

All three smiled a lot and nodded energetically when spoken to. It was unclear if they
understood one word we said but it was an impressive display of goodwill all the same.
At the conclusion of what felt like unnecessarily lengthy preliminaries, we wandered
into the side yard and stared up at the three-story unfinished wall. It looked like a huge task
to me but Humberto's cousin, Roberto the Translator, appeared unfazed.
“Easy job,” he said, flashing a mouthful of gold teeth in my general direction.
“Really?” I asked.
I could hardly believe anyone would consider this job easy.
“ Sí ,” he smiled again. “It'll go just like that.”
He snapped his fingers sharply to demonstrate his point. We'd heard this before from
contractors who proceeded to work at such a glacial pace we forgot what we'd hired them
for or how much we'd promised to pay them.
In any case, it was an intriguing line of thought but when I opened my mouth to contin-
ue our conversation, Jane gave me a look that said, in no uncertain terms, knock it off .
Message received.
“Michael, would you like to go through your list with Humberto?” Jane prompted.
“Sure,” Michael grumbled, still obviously annoyed by Jane's heavy-handed orchestra-
tion of our meeting.
“So here's how it'll work,” Jane continued like a school marm on amphetamines. “Mi-
chael, please speak slowly, in English of course, and then pause while Roberto translates.
Once he's done, you can say the next sentence.”
It was a laborious process.
Michael would say something like, “We'd like you to plaster under and around the
pipes…” only to be interrupted by Jane before he could complete his sentence.
“Stop there!” she would exclaim. “If you say too much he'll get lost.”
Dramatic pause.
“Roberto?”
And Roberto, looking slightly miffed (possibly at having his powers of recall so ma-
ligned), would translate the phrase into Spanish.
Then Michael, struggling to recall where he had left off, would continue with the dis-
embodied conclusion of his thought: “…so they can be easily repaired or replaced,” which
Roberto would duly repeat to his cousin in their native tongue.
This went on for some time.
It was like a special session of the U.N. General Assembly where the diplomats, having
ingested massive amounts of tranquilizers, embark on an exhaustive discourse about the
building's plumbing system instead of advancing world peace.
Humberto, for his part, appeared to be getting Michael's drift just fine. He continued to
smile gamely, nodding his head with such energy I feared concussion.
Finally, with a look of intense relief, Michael completed his list.