Let’s Get Plastered - The Coconut Chronicles: Two Guys, One Caribbean Dream House - page 230

I considered the house finished. Michael didn't.
And of course he was right. The whole side facing the garden was unfinished. We never
saw it because the garden was such an unmitigated disaster. In other words, we never saw
that side because we never went into the garden.
And by unfinished I mean it consisted of a wall of unpainted cinderblocks adorned with
exposed plumbing.
You might say I've always been a tad too focused on the obvious, the flashy, and the
decorative to fully appreciate the importance of the underlying structure. That was Michael's
department.
But once he pointed out the possible negative effects of leaving the house unfin-
ished—creeping moisture, foundation deterioration, termite infestation (yes, Puerto Rican
termites will even munch their way through unprotected concrete)—I was an instant convert.
“How soon can we get it done?” I asked, now gripped with a sense of impending doom.
Come on, admit it—creeping moisture does sound pretty bad. Michael looked philo-
sophical and said he'd ask Jane to get some bids.
Within a month (lightning fast by Puerto Rican standards) we had three estimates. One
was staggeringly high, one suspiciously low. But the third seemed just about right. We asked
Jane to arrange a meeting with the contractor to coincide with our next visit.
Before the meeting, Jane sketched out a few ground rules.
“Please, let's just have one person speak for the group. Humberto doesn't speak a word
of English so he's bringing along his cousin to translate. I'm afraid lots of chatter will just
confuse him.”
She looked at me as she said this. A guy could develop a complex.
“Fine,” I said.
“So Michael will do the talking?”
“Sure,” Michael said, not looking any too pleased by her bossy tone.
“And another thing,” she went on. “Whatever you do, don't mention windows.”
We waited a moment for the other shoe to drop. “Windows?”
“The windows on that side of the house. Humberto and I had a little disagreement about
them the other day. He claims he can't work around your old windows, and he wants to sell
you new ones.”
“I don't think we can afford that right now.”
“That's what I told him. But he's pretty persistent. I'm sure his mark-up is hefty and he
wants the extra cash. So he'll probably bring up the subject again today. If he does, just ig-
nore him.”
Okay.
Fifteen minutes later Humberto and his two sidekicks arrived in a truck so broken-down
that the Beverly Hillbillies would have turned their noses up at it.