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ions, and tortured and murdered by the imperial state. He warned his comrades that if they
were true to his word, they, too, would find themselves on death row. Those who did not
get themselves executed were simply not trying hard enough. It is true that Jesus is believed
to have risen from the dead, which is more than can be said for Michael Jackson, so far at
least. But the fact remains that he was scarcely a shining success while he was alive, and
according to some Biblical scholars might well have transferred his mission to Jerusalem
(a fatal decision, as it turned out) because it was running out of steam in his home territory
of Galilee.
One of the most fundamental differences between the United States and Europe is that in
the States the twinkly-eyed, grandfatherly type serving you in the local store is quite likely
to believe that most of his fellow humans are destined for hellfire, a band of reprobates
which almost certainly includes yourself. Yet he will pack your groceries for all the world
as though you were not sunk irredeemably in moral squalor, and with touching generosity
of spirit show not the slightest hesitation in accepting money from a sinner. It is a striking
thought that people who fix exhaust pipes, drink Budweiser and watch ice hockey also be-
lieve in demons. It is as though the president of the World Bank were to be caught chalking
pentangles on the walls of his office.
There are, needless to say, conflicts as well as affinities between the puritan self and the
commercial one. The puritan self mistrusts appearances, whereas the commercial self is all
about semblance and self-presentation. When Americans appear on television, they tend to
smile when they first come on camera. Nobody does this in Europe. One of the finest of
BBC Television's overseas correspondents has not been seen to smile for the last twenty
years, and addresses the camera with the expression of one scowling down the barrel of a
rifle. To add insult to injury, the journalist in question is a woman. Christopher Hitchens
was never known to smile in public. The same goes for his friend, the novelist Martin Amis.
Dick Cheney rarely smiles either, but this in a U.S. politician is highly unusual. Perhaps this
is because when he does smile, he looks rather like the Wolf about to bite Little Red Rid-
ing Hood. Some Irish musicians are so obsessed with self-presentation that they perform
with their backs to the audience, a habit which it is hard to imagine Madonna adopting. The
United States believes that appearances are all-important, but also that what happens inside
you is what really counts. As Walt Whitman almost remarked, if I contradict myself, well,
whatever . . .
Prohibition
For many of its adherents, religion is essentially about prohibition. Puritan societies tend
to be punitive ones. Bodies and their appetites can easily get out of hand, and need to be
sternly disiplined. This is not the case in Amsterdam, where it is said that if you sodomise a
donkey on the sidewalk, you can receive a state grant for street theatre. This has never been
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