Coping with separation - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 80

P EOPLE PULLED APART
F AREWELL PARTIES ARE a regular part of the expatriate social calendar. Whether or not you
plan to relocate within the next year, chances are that someone you know will. Like it or not,
separation is an unavoidable fact of life for all who live overseas.
Leaving behind colleagues and friends is something which, while painful, most expatri-
ates must get used to. It's the flip side to the constant influx of new acquaintances into the
ever-changing foreign social circle. However, it is different when the person you're saying
goodbye to is a lover or spouse.
In Chapter One (“Transient Family Syndrome”) we saw how a life on the move can draw
people closer together, maybe even too close. In this chapter, we will look at what happens
when circumstances pull people apart.
L ONG - DISTANCE LOVE
One of the most painful aspects of working abroad is leaving behind loved ones back home
or being separated from a newly-found loved one because of a transfer of assignment. Nat-
urally, couples stay in touch electronically and by telephone. Each will feel a rush of ex-
citement at every message or phone call. At the first opportunity, a holiday or business trip
becomes a chance to see each other again.
Yet many people in this situation will return from a holiday reunion feeling awkward and
unsure. This can be demoralizing and depressing. But if long-distance couples know what
to expect, and are honest and realistic, a relationship can survive the separation of both time
and distance.
“We're now engaged, and yet I feel I don't really know him anymore.” May finishes
with a sigh.
May and John are in their late twenties, both expatriates with promising careers. They met
while both were posted in Tokyo and fell passionately in love. Eight months later, John was
transferred back to Canada. During the following nine months they were in close contact
through e-mails, texting, voice and video calls, and even old-fashioned love letters. Eventu-
ally May took two weeks off to visit her sweetheart.
May returned from the visit feeling unsure about the relationship and therefore sought
counseling.
“We didn't fight or anything and yet I feel depressed. Something seems missing inside
me.” May complained that John “wasn't as sensitive, loving and witty” as he presen-