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Lucy moved to Taiwan six months ago. Prior to that, she lived in Egypt, Poland and
Greece. Because of her husband's diplomatic career. they are required to relocate fre-
quently. Taipei is their fourth posting in the past ten years.
“I never could imagine how my sister lived her mundane suburban life. Now I under-
stand there are many rich experiences that I cannot have,” she said.
Seeing her sister's stable home life, house, close friends and friendly neighbors, she has
suddenly realized how much these things mean to her.
Lucy enjoys her varied life, living in different parts of the world, yet all of a sudden she
feels that she wants something more than “interesting experiences”. After all these years
Lucy finds herself with no close friends, no place that feels like home. As much as they call
the United States “home”, she doesn't really feel their roots are there anymore.
Lucy's dilemma is a result of “Transient Family Syndrome”. People like her are plan-
ning their next move almost as soon as they arrive at their latest assignment. Although they
will establish an active social life, when any relationship becomes too personal or emotion-
ally involved, unintentionally they pull back. Rather than going through the repeated pain
of separation and loss, they unconsciously avoid letting friendships get too close.
In addition, people in this group tend to associate with others who, like them, also trans-
fer frequently. Living among such a transient population is not conducive to forming close,
lasting relationships.
Transient Family Syndrome is especially hard on spouses. Since one person's career re-
quires frequent moves, the partner cannot fully develop her or his own career or outside in-
terests. In Lucy's case, she doesn't have the chance to be a normal homemaker. She doesn't
have the time needed to build bonds or support with neighbors. She is unable to take root in
the local community and establish a close circle of friends. When she is feeling down she
doesn't have someone to call upon or a shoulder to cry on. “At times I feel terribly lonely,”
Lucy claims. She has no outlets outside of her husband and children.
This problem not only affects individuals, but the whole family. With no outside support,
family members put tremendous demands on each other and expect the marriage and family
life to meet all emotional needs. Such families often become so interdependent that indi-
vidual outside friendships may seem like “treason”. This feeling inhibits them even more
from other contacts, which results in further isolation. The effective way to deal with Tran-
sient Family Syndrome is not relocating back home, but finding the courage to open up
emotionally and reach out to establish genuine friendships.
It is true that distance can create obstacles to sustaining close friendships. However, if
mutual effort is made to stay in touch, such obstacles can be conquered. Phone or video
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