Death and divorce - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 96

you anymore.” If necessary, use drawings, play acting or puppets to get the meaning across
to the child. It would also be helpful to ask the child to use his or her words to explain what
death is. This way, parents can get a clearer picture of how their child views death and help
correct the concept if necessary.
S HOULD I SHARE MY GRIEF WITH MY CHILDREN ?
Sometimes surviving parents purposely hide their own feelings, thinking they are pro-
tecting their children from further alarm or sadness. However, no matter how hard one tries,
it is inevitable that the children will sense it.
Both parent and children should directly display their feelings. This will enable them to
find mutual support and grow closer as a family. It will also encourage the child to voice
their questions and fears; for example, what caused the death, or whether the child or the
other parent will now die. Such questions should be dealt with openly and honestly.
Helping young children through bereavement is far more difficult than helping adults.
Adults must understand and accept that children don't necessarily grieve the same way as
grown-ups. Adults should not get angry when a child doesn't cry or express sadness in the
same way they do.
Use concrete data instead of philosophical notions to explain death. Teach them that the
attachment with the dead parent is ended and reaffirm that the surviving one will continue
to care for them. Children, just like adults, need time to accept the bitter reality of death in
the family.
Truth hurts, but it also heals. When a family has suffered a loss, whether through death
or divorce, parents must openly share their grief with their children. After all, this is a time
when each person needs all the love and comfort he or she can get. With mutual support,
they can go on with life and face the future together.