Fatherhood in traditional Islam is very much set along the constructs of a patriarchal society, wherein the male is the center of authority and responsibility. This image comes forth even in the story of the primordial parents: For while the Qur’anic narrative does not single out Eve for blame, it does select Adam for responsibility: It is he who is addressed when God wants to direct the first couple to live in the Garden, and it is he to whom God speaks, even though Eve has also eaten of the forbidden tree.
Drawn from the example of the Hebrew prophets, the ideal Qur’anic father teaches his children to worship the one God and to be upright citizens. When Jacob is on his deathbed, his sons declare, “We will worship your God and the God of your fathers . . . (Qur’an 2:138). Abraham is seen as the ultimate example of a good father, having brought the message of monotheism to his people.
The roles of father and mother, in keeping with patriarchal society, were clearly defined, and the father was seen as the protector and breadwinner, while the mother was the home-maker. It is for this reason that the male inherits, in classical Islamic law, an average of twice the share of a woman.
Muslims are reminded that although children are the result of the love and harmony that God places between spouses, children and wives should not be a source of pride to the extent that one forgets his duties to the Creator (Qur’an 65: 14-15). Abraham, then, ordered to sacrifice his son and unquestioningly complying with God’s directive, is seen as the example of a good father—loving his son, yet willing to make the ultimate sacrifice just to please his Lord.
In all of the foregoing, fatherhood does not seem to be much different from the Judeo-Christian concept. An exception perhaps is the strong language employed in the Qur’an toward fathers, exhorting them against female infanticide. The primary reason for the Qur’an’s focus on the welfare of girls is that in Muhammad’s time, girl children were killed as consequence of the tribal practice of favoring boys, who could be raised as warriors. Therefore it is stated in the Qur’an that children should not be killed because of their gender or the poverty of their family, and that in those cases, God would provide (Qur’an 6:140, 151; 17:31).
Traditional Islam has allowed the marriage of Muslim men to non-Muslim women, while forbidding the marriage of Muslim women to non-Muslim men. This is because the father is supposed to provide religious guidance and, as such, the children in a home where the father is non-Muslim would presumably be lost to the Muslim community.
Classical thinkers view the stages of fatherhood as being three: In the first seven years of a child’s life, the father permits much, since the child is below the age of perception, and the father is concerned with providing financial support while the mother provides the nurturing. During the second seven years, the father extends his duties to teaching the child about religion and citizenry, and in the remaining seven until adulthood is reached, the father acts as a friend and counselor.
In Arab Muslim societies, one of the foremost honors still accorded to a man is when he is addressed, not by his actual name, but by that which denotes he is a father. This is done by prefixing Abu to the child’s name; “Abu Muhammad,” for example, indicates that the man has a child by the name of Muhammad.
