Love figures prominently in Confucianism. In fact, one could argue that its paramount tenet, ren, means love. The Confucians thought each person should be concerned about the welfare of all people and even animals. Although everyone deserves love, Confucians assumed that one’s concern for others would naturally differ in intensity based on the degree of intimacy. So the key to loving others was extending the concern one felt for family members to others. Curiously, even though the tradition emphasized having an affective concern for others, it frowned upon romantic love, which often challenged the priority of ethics.
Thus, the most important tenet of Confucianism, ren—usually translated as benevolence, goodness, or humanity—represents a form of love. The earliest Confucian writers repeatedly asserted that ren consists of loving others. When a disciple asked for a definition of ren, Confucius (ca. 551-479 BCE) simply replied “love others” (Analects 12:22). Mencius (ca. 372-289 BCE), the second greatest Confucian philosopher, often made the same point: “One who is ren loves others” (Mencius 4B:28) and “loving one’s kindred is ren” (6B:3). What did this love consist of? One should emotionally care about another and endeavor to secure his/her/its welfare. Loving others was so important that it was viewed as the key to good governance. To underline this fact, Xunzi (ca. 313-238 BCE), the third great Confucian advocate, warned that “[A ruler] who does not love his people and merely exploits them will endanger his country” (Xunzi 10:11).
Nevertheless, one cannot love everyone to the same degree. It is natural to love parents and other close kin more than others because they have provided the greatest care and affection. How then can one love their neighbors? Confucians believed that one should take the love one feels for close kin and extend it to others. Mencius stated, “Treat your elderly with the care appropriate for the elderly, and then apply it to the elderly of others; treat your young with the care appropriate for the young, and then apply it to the young of others” (Mencius 1A:7). Of course, the love people feel for others will be less intense than the love that they feel for their own kin. Mencius emphasized this by using different words to express the sentiment of love. “The gentleman affectionately loves (qin) kin but only benevolently loves (ren) the people; he benevolently loves the people, but he only cherishes (ai) things” (Mencius 7A:45). Mencius uses distinct terms to designate three different levels of love. Modern analysts have called this “love with distinctions” or “graded love.” Confucians emphasized the hierarchical nature of love to distinguish their own teachings from that of a rival school, the Mohists. Mozi (ca. 468-376 BCE), the founder of this school, emphasized “universal love” or “impartial cherishing” (jianai) because he thought that partiality led to strife. Hence, he stressed that one should love the families of other people as much as one’s own. For Confucians, this was a gross violation of human nature.
Loving others was so important that one’s concern should even be extended to animals: A person who is ren will feel compassion for all creatures. The following sixth-century CE story conveys the feeling that a Confucian should have for living things. “By nature, Jiang Bi’s conduct was benevolent (ren) and righteous. His clothing was so tattered that he thought that the lice infesting it would starve to death. Consequently, he obtained new clothing and put them in it. Within several days, his whole body was completely free of lice.” Jiang Bi had so much compassion that he feared that the lice on his body were starving. As a reward for his tender concern, the lice miraculously disappeared from his body. Nevertheless, although one feels compassion for animals, this does not mean one does not consume them as food. As Mencius put it, a gentleman stays away from the kitchen. Although a gentleman cannot bear to watch animals slaughtered, he condones this killing because his concern for the welfare of people is greater than his concern for animals.
Confucianism has had little room for romantic love. The purpose of marriage was to ensure the continuation of the family through the production of heirs—it had nothing to do with the happiness of the two people being married. Consequently, parents decided whom their son or daughter would betroth. Once a son was married, if his parents disliked his wife, no matter what his feelings were, he would have to divorce her. Within the family, the desires of children must be subordinated to those of their parents. Relations between man and wife should also be formal and dictated by hierarchy. Upon entering his wife’s private apartment, Mencius saw his wife partially naked. Disgusted that she was not properly dressed, he wanted to divorce her. His mother, however, scolded him for not showing the courtesy of making a noise or looking askance before entering the room (Lien Zhuan 1:9). A sense of decorum and ceremonial rules were supposed to regulate the behavior of man and wife even in their private compartments. Consequently, in late imperial times, Confucians habitually condemned popular novels and plays because they often portrayed young people ignoring ethical and ritual concerns to pursue their love interests.
