Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
taking. I had to cross parking lots and gas station forecourts, and I kept coming up against
little white-painted walls marking the boundaries between, say, Long John Silver's Sea-
food Shoppe and Kentucky Fried Chicken. To get from one to the other, it was necessary
to clamber over the wall, scramble up a grassy embankment and pick your way through a
thicket of parked cars. That is if you were on foot. But clearly from the looks people gave
me as I lumbered breathlessly over the embankment, no one had ever tried to go from one
oftheseplacestoanotherunderhisownmotivepower.Whatyouweresupposedtodowas
getinyourcar,drivetwelvefeetdownthestreettoanotherparkinglot,parkthecarandget
out. Glumly I clambered my way to a Pizza Hut and went inside, where a waitress seated
me at a table with a view of the parking lot.
Allaroundmepeoplewereeatingpizzasthesizeofbuswheels.Directlyopposite,inescap-
ably in my line of vision, an overweight man of about thirty was lowering wedges into his
mouth whole, like a sword swallower. The menu was dazzling in its variety. It went on for
pages. There were so many types and sizes of pizza, so many possible permutations, that I
felt quite at a loss. The waitress appeared. “Are you ready to order?”
“I'm sorry,” I replied, “I need a little more time.”
“Sure,”shesaid.“Youtakeyourtime.”Shewentofftosomewhereoutofmylineofvision,
counted to four and came back. “Are you ready to order now?” she asked.
“I'msorry,”Isaid,“Ireallyneedjustalittlemoretime.”“OK,”shesaidandleft.Thistime
she may have counted as high as twenty, but when she returned I was still nowhere near
understanding the many hundreds of options open to me as a Pizza Hut patron.
“You're kinda slow, aren'tcha?” she observed brightly.
I was embarrassed. “I'm sorry. I'm out of touch. I've … just got out of prison.”
Her eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yes. I murdered a waitress who rushed me.”
With an uncertain smile she backed off and gave me lots and lots of time to make up my
mind. In the end I had a medium-sized deep-dish pepperoni pizza with extra onions and
mushrooms, and I can recommend it without hesitation.
Afterwards, to round off a perfect evening, I clambered over to a nearby K Mart and had a
look around. K Marts are a chain of discount stores and they are really depressing places.
