Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
having bought the ticket I felt obliged to go and have a look at it. If nothing else, the walk
through the afternoon sunshine was pleasant. But I was relieved to get back in the car and
hittheroadagain.ItwasafterfourbythetimeIlefttown.IdroveonacrossNewYorkState
for several hours, through the Susquehanna Valley, which was very beautiful, especially at
thistime ofdayandyearinthesoftlightofanautumnafternoon: watermelon-shaped hills,
golden trees, slumbering towns. To make up for my long day in Cooperstown, I drove later
than usual, and it was after nine by the time I stopped at a motel on the outskirts of Elmira.
I went straight out for dinner, but almost every place I approached was closed, and I ended
up eating in a restaurant attached to a bowling alley-in clear violation of Bryson's second
rule of dining in a strange town. Generally, I don't believe in doing things on principle-it's
kind of a principle of mine-but I do have six rules of public dining to which I try to adhere.
They are:
1. Never eat in a restaurant that displays photographs of the food it serves. (But if you do,
never believe the photographs.)
2. Never eat in a restaurant attached to a bowling alley.
3. Never eat in a restaurant with flocked wallpaper.
4. Never eat in a restaurant where you can hear what they are saying in the kitchen.
5. Never eat in a restaurant that has live entertainers with any of the following words in
their titles: Hank, Rhythm, Swinger, Trio, Combo, Hawaiian, Polka.
6. 6. Never eat in a restaurant that has bloodstains on the walls.
Inanyevent,thebowlingalleyrestaurantprovedquiteacceptable.ThroughthewallIcould
hear the muffled rumblings of falling bowling pins and the sounds of Elmira's hairdressers
and grease monkeys having a happy night out. I was the only customer in the restaurant.
In fact, I was quite clearly the only thing standing between the waitresses and their going
home. As I waited for my food, they cleared away the other tables, removing the ashtrays,
sugar bowls and tablecloths, so that after a while I found myself dining alone in a large
room,withawhitetableclothandflickeringcandleinalittleredbowl,amidaseaofbarren
Formica tabletops.
The waitresses stood against the wall and watched me chew my food. After a while they
started whispering and tittering, still watching me as they did so, which frankly I found a
trifle unsettling. I may only have imagined it, but I also had the distinct impression that
