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was impacting our daughters. Ellie no longer played happily on her own and Sophia didn't
want to catch the bus to school. They were insecure and no wonder. Things were not work-
ing out. This dream was costing us our relationship and our financial security.
My life was an endless round of washing, feeding and cleaning. As much as I loved
France and Château Haut Garrigue I was not happy. We had no money and didn't have a
clear notion when we would have. I had to get out.
I would go back to the city, find a job and a place to live, then get the girls. I made my
plans and booked a flight.
Erin told Diana to get lost, she was sticking with Tommy, and they all left. That night
after cleaning up and making sure the girls were asleep I told Sean I had to talk to him. He
turned off the television.
I told him my plan. He was shocked - he had no idea it had come to this. I wondered how
he could not.
'You can't go, Carolinus,' he said, tears welling in his eyes. 'I need you. We're going to
make this work. We had a rough time with our first harvest and then all those young kids.
That was a mistake.'
'I won't live like this, SF. The only time you have two words to say to me is when you
want me to phone someone in French for you, otherwise I'm no more than a house slave. I
have to go.' Tears started to stream out of me. I was leaving and the pain was killing me.
Sean went white with shock as he realised I was serious.
'I've been a bear with a sore head. I don't like being swamped by people. I'm a loner. I like
my space and I haven't had any in four months. Add all the visitors to the vendanges and
the chopped finger and you've got a caged lion.'
Sean was like most men - he needed to retreat into his cave sometimes. I had forced his
agreement to take the team of youngsters so we could be sure that we would finish the
painting before the next tourist season started. He hadn't wanted them. Add to that living in
close quarters with his parents for two months with non-stop harvest and the situation was
a pressure cooker for both of us.
'I'm so sorry, Carolinus. I love you.'
He looked so vulnerable, not like the monster I had been living with for the last few
months; he looked like the Sean I had fallen in love with. The stress that had been building
foralmostsixmonthsboiledover.Itookhisgoodhandandwesatonthesofa,tearspouring
down our faces.
Once we had control of ourselves we discussed how we could repair our relationship and
make sure the same breakdown didn't happen again. I looked back on the incidents of the
past months and understood what had happened but I didn't cancel the flight. I wanted to
be sure that the Sean I knew was really back.
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