Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
Responding to a child appropriately in a disciplinary situation requires thought
and preparation. Following are key things to keep in mind and techniques to try when
your world blows up while waiting in line for Dumbo.
1. BE THE ADULT
. It's well understood that children can punch their parents' buttons
faster and more lethally than just about anyone or anything else. They've got your
number, know precisely how to elicit a response, and are not reluctant to go for the
jugular. Fortunately (or unfortunately) you're the adult, and to deal with a situation
effectively, you must act like one. If your kids get you ranting and caterwauling, you
effectively abdicate your adult status. Worse, you suggest by way of example that be-
ing out of control is an acceptable expression of hurt or anger. No matter what hap-
pens, repeat the mantra, “I am the adult in this relationship.”
2. FREEZE THE ACTION
. Being the adult and maintaining control almost always trans-
latestofreezingtheaction,toborrowasportsterm.Insteadofaknee-jerkresponse(at
a maturity level closer to your child's than yours), freeze the action by disengaging.
Wherever you are or whatever the family is doing, stop in place and concentrate on
one thing and one thing only: getting all involved to calm down. Practically speaking,
this usually means initiating a time-out. It's essential that you take this action imme-
diately. Grabbing your child by the arm or collar and dragging him toward the car or
hotel room only escalates the turmoil by prolonging the confrontation and by adding
a coercive physical dimension to an already volatile emotional event. If, for the sake
of people around you (as when a toddler throws a tantrum in church), it's essential to
retreat to a more private place, choose the first place available. Firmly sit the child
down and refrain from talking to him until you've both cooled off. This might take a
little time, but the investment is worthwhile. Truncating the process is like trying to
get on your feet too soon after surgery.
3. ISOLATE THE CHILD
. You'll be able to deal with the situation more effectively and
expeditiously if the child is isolated with one parent. Dispatch the uninvolved mem-
bers of your party for a Coke break or have them go on with the activity or itinerary
without you (if possible) and arrange to rendezvous later at an agreed time and place.
In addition to letting the others get on with their day, isolating the offending child
with one parent relieves him of the pressure of being the group's focus of attention
