Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
2. EXPLAIN THE CONSEQUENCES OF NONCOMPLIANCE
. Detail very clearly and firmly
the consequences of unmet expectations. This should be very straightforward and un-
ambiguous. If you do
X
(or don't do
X
), this is what will happen.
3. WARN YOUR KIDS
. You're dealing with excited, expectant children, not machines,
so it's important to issue a warning before meting out discipline. It's critical to under-
stand that we're talking about one unequivocal warning rather than multiple warnings
or nagging. These undermine your credibility and make your expectations appear re-
lative or less than serious. Multiple warnings or nagging also effectively pass control
of the situation from you to your child (who may continue to act out as an attention-
getting strategy).
4. FOLLOW THROUGH
. If you say that you're going to do something, do it. Period.
Children must understand that you are absolutely serious and committed.
5. BE CONSISTENT
. Inconsistency makes discipline a random event in the eyes of your
children.Randomdisciplineencouragesrandombehavior,whichtranslatestoanearly
total loss of parental control. Longterm, both at home and on the road, your response
to a given situation or transgression must be perfectly predictable. Structure and repe-
tition, essential for a child to learn, cannot be achieved in the absence of consistency.
Although the previous five are the biggies, several other corollary concepts and
techniques that are worthy of consideration.
First,understandthatwhining,tantrums,defiance,siblingfriction,andevenhold-
ing the group up are ways in which children communicate with parents. Frequently
the object or precipitant of a situation has little or no relation to the unacceptable be-
havior. A fit may on the surface appear to be about the ice cream you refused to buy
little Robby, but there's almost always something deeper, a subtext that is closer to the
truth (this is the reason why ill behavior often persists after you give in to a child's de-
mands). As often as not the real cause is a need for attention. This need is so powerful
in some children that they will subject themselves to certain punishment and parental
displeasure to garner the attention they crave.
To get at the root cause of the behavior in question requires both active listening
and empowering your child with a “feeling vocabulary.” Active listening is a concept
that's been around a long time. It involves being alert not only to what a child says,
but also to the context in which it is said, to the language used and possible subtext,
