Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
otherwise sane people to buy ten pints of milk on Easter Sunday because the supermarket
may be closed on Easter Monday, had emptied the petrol stations, meaning that all non-es-
sential usage of fuel had to be curbed. Activities like mowing the lawn, for instance, were
a definite no-no, and yet as winter approached it needed doing, otherwise the garden would
look like it had an ugly stubble all winter. I could live with that - my OCD doesn't stretch to
anything that involves physical endeavour - but Natalie couldn't.
'We'll let the horses out,' she said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
'What? You mean including the horse we're trying to cure of an escaping habit?' I said, not
liking the idea one jot. 'You're going to let both horses wander around the garden with the
cats and the dogs and the kids? Isn't that a bit dangerous?'
'No.'
'If you need me, I'll be inside,' I said.
It all seemed like a good idea on paper, a family communing with its animals on the lawn,
bathed in late autumn sunshine; like a scene from an impressionist painting. Unfortunately,
it failed to take into account the rather highly strung nature of Ultime, who clearly likes the
safety of her paddock and once out of it becomes a little skittish, the slightest noise setting
her off. And once she's off, Junior gets all 'protective boyfriend' about the whole thing and
chases after her, which sets Toby off too and the whole place goes mad. It's like the Pamplona
run, as people dive for cover, only with horses and not in Spain. Anyway, it's dangerous.
I watched the whole thing from the safety of the kitchen and it was bedlam. First you'd see
Samuel run past the window, laughing his head off and shouting 'Stampede!', only to be fol-
lowed by Ultime and Junior and Toby in a crazy conga, Benny-Hill-theme-tuned-style chase
that probably looked more dangerous than it actually was. And it just kept happening, like
they were on a relentless merry-go-round: child followed by horse followed by dog. I ven-
tured outside at one point and got caught up in the whole thing, but then a car went past and
it triggered Ultime off, and while she went haring towards the patio this time Junior, instead
of following her, made straight for me. The bloody animal was trying to settle scores!
'He's just being friendly!' Natalie shouted as I went running past her.
'He bloody isn't!'
I dived into the hedge and almost landed on Maurice, who apparently had been hiding there
for most of the afternoon.
'What are you doing here?' I asked, trying to sound brave.
'I don't want to get run over,' he said.
'Good point.'
Natalie realised that we weren't going to come out of the hedge until the horses were safely
locked away, which she eventually did while muttering to herself something about my cow-
ardice, completely ignoring, not for the first time, the fact that Junior clearly has a vendetta
against me. My theory is that he sees himself as the alpha male in our family and will aim to
