Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
an acre of land on which stood various old caravans, a couple of ancient Citroëns and various
other shacks; it looked like a shanty town. She also lived with lots and lots and lots of anim-
als, all of which were now homeless, all of whom now needed care. All of them. Dozens of
geese and chickens, some mangy old dogs, a horse, goats, cats.
'Had we known her?' the occupants of the car asked.
'Not really,' we answered.
'She was our aunt,' they said. 'It's a shame.'
'It is,' we agreed.
'Especially for the animals…'
No! Come on! What the hell is going on here? I thought. What are you people, salesmen?
Don't you know that I'm married to Noah's female reincarnation? Of course they did, they'd
have heard. They'd have been at the old lady's place, wondering aloud what to do with the
animals, and someone would have pointed out that there is an equally mad woman down the
road who'll take all your animals off your hands for you. Ignore her husband, they'd have
been told, she does. That's it, I thought, we've become a mecca for anyone wanting to offload
livestock. It's going to get like an animal Oxfam shop around here - we'll come down of a
morning and find 'donations' on our doorstep.
'Would you be interested in…?'
'No!' I said.
'We have these three lovely
chatons
…' said the lady, completely ignoring me and pointing
to a box of kittens on the back seat.
This is how drug dealers work, isn't it? You start off with a few kittens and next thing you
know you've got a couple of goats, three pigs, a shire horse and your life is no longer your
own.
'We've just taken on three kittens, I'm afraid,' Natalie told them. Phew!
'Well, we've also got two goats and a pony.'
Seriously, what's going on in a world where any Tom, Dick and Harry can pitch up and start
handing out animals to the vulnerable and the weak? That's how they sell cigarettes in Burma
and it's bloody unethical. Not to mention the fact that we simply might not be able to take
care of the animals properly; we were using a horse with genital herpes as a lawnmower for
God's sake! We should have been on a blacklist.
Natalie managed to resist, I think partly because I was smacking my head repeatedly on
the bonnet of the 'dealer's' car while wailing about injustice and fate, but they'll be back at
the end of the month, they said; give us a chance to talk things over, see if 'we' change 'our'
minds. It all sounded much like a threat to me and I went storming off muttering expletives
and generally behaving like a man who hadn't slept for a day or so and then been abused in
transit. I flopped back onto the hammock and almost squashed a kitten which then spat at me,
