Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
of swallows had built a nest in the workshop and now regarded the place as their own, angry
little so-and-sos they were too. They quite clearly regarded my presence as an invasion of
their privacy and sat angrily on the shelf above me telling me in no uncertain terms to 'bugger
off'. I don't know if you've ever had a row with a pair of breeding swallows, but it's a pretty
unedifying affair - the more they chirruped swallow obscenities at me the more I threw back
exactly the same at them.
'What is going on?' Natalie shouted as she rushed into the workshop. 'Who are you swearing
at?'
'The damn swallows!' I said, a tad embarrassed. 'The little sods won't leave me alone.'
Natalie then spent the next five minutes telling me that this was their territory now and that
I shouldn't be disturbing them while they lay eggs and no wonder they were angry - wouldn't
I be if my territory was invaded? I tried to point out that technically and legally I was within
my rights to stay and that it was my territory that had been invaded, but she'd already gone. I
shut my laptop and left as well, but not before I'd given the cantankerous pair a right mouth-
ful which they duly gave back. I moved into another room next door and the same thing
happened, only this pair weren't content with verbal assaults and felt that swooping low over
my head in an aggressive fashion would get me away from their nest. They were right too.
Besides which, my grumpy animal rescue skills were apparently needed again. I could hear
Maurice, just back from school, calling me.
'Daddy, it's a snake! A big snake,' he shouted excitedly. Bloody hell, I thought, that's really
not my department at all. I hate snakes.
The three of them proceeded to describe the snake. It was big, smallish, greeny, beige with a
square, triangular head and 'tractor', which was Thérence's contribution. It was like trying to
get some sense out of a family of rednecks convinced that they'd been abducted by aliens. It's
well known, apparently, that hens kill snakes but Tallulah and Lola didn't seem even remotely
interested preferring instead to dig up Natalie's roses, much to her annoyance. Snakes can be
a problem around here; years ago they released more snakes into the area to control a grow-
ing rodent population, so now people have hens to control the snakes. Presumably once the
hens are out of control they'll release foxes and then when they're running wild they'll release
a load of red-jacketed hunters 'tally-ho-ing' all over the shop.
I looked for the snake, a bit gingerly to be honest and rather hoping that I wouldn't come
across it, but I couldn't find the thing and assumed that Maurice had been mistaken or that it
might just be a harmless grass snake. Then the next day the evidence arrived. A rat, a huge
rat at that, had been killed just where they'd seen the serpent. There were no visible signs of
attack on the thing and it was so big that I doubt even the cats could have got it, had they
been inclined. It was a monster and Natalie took me to one side.
'You have to find this thing,' she said simply. 'Somewhere it has found a place to hide, where
it isn't disturbed by the cats or dogs and where the children haven't stumbled on it.'
