Bangkok to Singapore - Grounded: A Down to Earth Journey Around the World - page 78

back Texan, also headed for Malaysia, and he seems to consider the rail strike a delightful opportunity for
improvisation. “We just need to beat that crew to the punch,” he drawls, nodding at the puddle of sad back-
packers. “Or there won't be any bus tickets to go around.”
We determine that the southern Bangkok bus depot is the one we want, and the three of us share a taxi
that whisks us there in minutes. At the depot, we find the chaos that was unexpectedly absent from the train
station. Hundreds of Thais, and a handful of in-the-know westerners, are desperately attempting to replace
their canceled trains with comparable buses. We quickly lose our Texan in the teeming crowd.
The harried clerk at the ticket window speaks no English, but I manage to buy two tickets on a bus I
believe to be headed south. My key tactic was to point to Malaysia on a map I pulled out of my backpack.
But now I realize, as I look at the map again, it's possible that I was actually pointing to Myanmar. If our
bus gets stormed by protesting monks, we'll know what went wrong.
BUSES are perhaps the least romantic mode of surface transport. Ships and trains maintain a classic allure.
The automobile has its passionate cult. But you rarely hear anybody rhapsodizing about a bus trip. You're
far more likely to hear bus-related horror stories.
My own: While traveling in Ecuador I caught a rural bus headed for a tiny beach town on the Pacific
coast. There was no room left inside—people were sitting on laps and standing hip to hip in the aisle—so
the driver directed my friend and me to a ladder on the back of the bus. We climbed up onto the vehicle's
roof, where we rode atop an enormous pile of strapped-down luggage. The bus rumbled along dirt roads
at 40 mph, and we clung for dear life to random suitcase handles. I couldn't see through the dust and was
nearly decapitated when we passed beneath a low-hanging electrical wire.
Traditionally, the reason to go by bus—besides the wild thrill of unpredictability—is that buses are much
cheaper than a train or plane. In exchange for this inexpensive fare, you accept a markedly lower quality
of life. Most bus companies cram more seats into the cabin than seems physically practicable. There's no
room to cross your legs, and barely room to possess legs at all. No matter how far you sit from the rear
restroom, your nostrils will at some point make you acutely aware of its presence.
It's true that flying economy class on a plane is not much less claustrophobic. But the average airplane
interior is cleaner and brighter than the inside of a bus. And if you've ever spent time in a Greyhound depot
on a Saturday night, you'll agree it's a significantly seedier scene than the one going on at the airport. I'm
sort of afraid to use bus station vending machines for fear of catching gonorrhea.
As for trains, there's no comparison at all. Most trains' seats are roomier, their aisles wider, and their ride
smoother. You can walk a train's length if you're feeling restless—a move that, while possible on a bus,
proves far less satisfying.
None of which is meant to condemn the bus. It's still a noble chariot. It conveys the masses cheaply and
to places that trains and planes can't or won't access.
Once upon a time, buses were even vaguely fashion-forward. Famed industrial stylist Raymond
Loewy—who would later design the interior of the Concorde and the paint scheme for the exterior of Air
Force One—conceived the Greyhound logo and the look of the company's 1950s-era buses. Dubbed “Scen-
icruisers,” these elegant land yachts featured stewardesses pushing drink carts up and down the aisles.
Consider this assertion from a Smithsonian exhibit on the history of American transportation: “Americ-
ans who rode intercity buses in the 1930s and early 1940s were using one of the most convenient, modern,
and comfortable forms of motor transportation of the time. Advertisements, movies, and on-board amenit-
ies made bus travel seem glamorous and modern. Streamlined design and art deco bus stations added to the
allure.”