Antwerp to Tallinn - Grounded: A Down to Earth Journey Around the World - page 19

what I'm getting at. Even the animal sculptures at the edges of the fountain seem sort of dirty. One of them
appears to be an autofellating warthog.
After checking the porno fountain off our must-see list, we take a water taxi from Rostock to a nearby
seaside resort called Warnemünde. It's a honky-tonk beach town, Baltic-coast style. Little rental sailboats
zip around the harbor here, and T-shirt shops line the touristy streets. We lunch at a restaurant on the pent-
house floor of a beach hotel. The panoramic windows offer a stunning view of the water, and a live, six-
piece combo churns out easy-listening hits.
When the band launches into a jazzy version of “The Blue Danube,” several elderly couples hobble
eagerly onto the dance floor for a waltz. The men wear pastel blazers and white leather loafers. The women
are built . . . sturdily. Everyone smiles wide and nods in time. The scene feels familiar to me, but I can't
quite place it. Until I realize: It looks like a troupe of actors re-creating, with careful attention to detail, a
1972 studio taping of The Lawrence Welk Show .
Which is interesting, given that this region was part of Soviet-controlled East Germany in 1972. I can't
help but wonder if Lawrence Welk is, for this older generation, an embodiment of hip, off-limits capitalist
culture. Either way, I can say with utter confidence that this is more interesting than an airport layover. I
take a plate from the rolling dessert cart and nibble a bite of strudel as I tap my feet.
After lunch, we head back to Rostock to continue the long wait for our ferry. Once the stores close for the
evening, and the crowds disappear, there's nothing to do but wander aimlessly through the dark streets, oc-
casionally resting on park benches and stifling yawns. At 11:30 p.m. we at last catch the designated shuttle
bus that will take us to the pier for our late-night embarkation.
OUR ship is named the Superfast VIII and is operated by an Estonian ferry line. Question: Why does an
Estonian company operate ferries that travel between Germany and Finland? Answer: I don't know—but
I'm sure looking forward to that legendary Eastern Bloc customer service.
The ferry boards everyone at night, but doesn't leave the dock until around sunrise the next morning.
We're told that this lead time is necessary because so many people bring their cars onto the ferry, and it
takes a long time to roll them all into the hold. Next question: Why must passengers like us, who are not
bringing a vehicle, board the ship five or six hours before it departs? Answer: Again, I have no idea—but
think I'm getting a taste of that legendary Eastern Bloc flexibility and attentiveness to individual needs.
A private cabin on this ferry costs $700, which seemed steep. Instead, Rebecca and I paid $125 each for
what the ticket clerk described to us as “airplane-style seats.” We'll be sleeping in these seats for the next
two nights, so we envision they'll be like those wide, reclining thrones that you'd find in the first-class
section of a plane.
Upon boarding, we discover that our seats are more like what you'd find in an airplane's economy sec-
tion—if that airplane had no windows and was shaped like a small shoebox. The forty bolted-down chairs
are crammed together in a dark, airless closet on a lower deck. When we arrive, the room is already filled
with other people, and their piles of luggage, and their cranky children.
Having spent the previous night on a train, and all day today wandering the boulevards of Rostock, we're
fairly exhausted by now. So we suck it up, find a spot against a wall to drop our bags, and settle into our
assigned seats. We try to pretend they are fluffy beds instead of narrow, hard pews.
I can't fool myself. The chair's metal arms jab into my kidneys as I search for a sleeping position. My
knees are jammed against the seat in front of me. From behind me emanates a sound I cannot for the life of
me identify. Is it an armored personnel carrier grinding its gears? A high-powered blender liquefying coat
hangers?