Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
Of immediate note was the metalwork.
Madame
's earrings were exceedingly long, ex-
tensively layered and looked incredibly heavy. I was pretty certain that my lobes wouldn't
be up to the challenge of supporting that lot. They looked more like chandeliers. She com-
plemented them with magnificent eyebrow and nose rings and accented the look by a dra-
matic make-up infill, making particularly imaginative use of her black kohl pencil.
Moving to the décolletage, several necklaces covered the areas requiring modesty, the
longest of which reached her waist and featured an interesting bauble on the end. I think
this is where the tinkling sound was coming from. To the port and starboard of this im-
pressive vessel, a vast number of bangles decorated one arm whilst the other was used to
support a very practical large-faced watch (which suggested that she might be of a similar
age to ourselves) and many heavy chain bracelets, all of which vied for wrist space. That
was just the upper limbs.
Down below it was plain to see that her taste for exotic jewellery extended to her feet.
With each swish of her skirts another toe-ring was revealed together with leather thongs
around each ankle.
Madame
was glorious and Jack was speechless. She clanked and tinkled
towards us with open arms and addressed us in a deeply sensuous Edith Piaf-like accent.
“Ah, at last, you are so welcome to my home.”
She proffered a limp hand in our general direction.
“What's that smell?” Jack murmured over his shoulder.
“Incense, I think, darling. Just shake her hand would you?” I whispered, trying to suf-
focate a sneeze.
With introductions complete, the dogs, who evidently thought that
madame
was ut-
terly fascinating if a little smelly, were allowed to roam freely outside, whilst we got stuck
into the serious business of viewing the buildings.
Harry, presumably flushed with the success of his navigational exploits, suddenly took
on the mantle of a veteran estate agent by launching into another unstoppable flow of de-
scriptive rhetoric, designed to impress both client and buyer.
Now, if Jack had a heraldic shield, the motto would read
Silentium Est Aureum
.
However, silence was never going to be golden in this lad's case, so Jack simply reacted to
his efforts with various disagreeable grunts.
Starting at the bottom end of the buildings, we were told that the first property had
been recently converted into a one-bedroom apartment. As we walked inside it was fairly
easy to guess its previous use as a cattle shed. With a heavily stained cement floor, large
iron rings decorating the wall and a pervading odour that my bloodhound-nosed husband
declared to be cow shit, the makeover had clearly retained the original countryside ambi-
ence. Lots more attention would be needed ahead of any human habitation here.
And, if the other buildings shared a similar history and minimalistic treatment, we'd
undoubtedly face some significant restoration work. Nevertheless, properly tackled, it
