Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
Sensing our immediate disappointment our jovial host decided that a point of clarific-
ation was in order. He explained (at unnecessary length) that his apartment in Rome was
too small to contain his
magnifica collezione
so he bought this property as a holiday home
to entertain his friends and a place to house his trophies. He ended helpfully by informing
us that he had never seen either wild boar or deer here (waving those porky little arms ex-
pressively at the steepest of his slopes).
“There eez not enougha landa to interest them,” he explained. And as for pheasants
and other feathered game, added, “My woodz are not beeg enough.”
We were well and truly crestfallen by this revelation so he made a valiant attempt at
recovering the situation.
“But I hava a surprisa fora you. I hava many rabbits! Anda together weeth thema I
havea many
many
fish in my pondz eef you lika fishing.”
“We don't,” Jack replied.
The disastrous reality that we had yet again become victims of estate agent misinform-
ation finally dawned on him. He turned to Charles with murder in his eyes and was about to
let rip but stopped short. There was absolutely no point in lambasting the poor chap; he was
dejection personified. It was blatantly obvious that the merest puff of malcontent wafted in
his direction would send him reeling. Instead I quickly suggested that we go and look at
signore's
rabbits on the way back.
The rabbit idea didn't prove to be the easiest to execute because we still had the small
matter of getting Charles down the track. He steadfastly refused to get back into the car
saying that he would be much,
much
happier returning on foot. Jack thought this was an
excellent plan but, for me, it was unthinkable. In his condition it would take the poor man
hours to stagger down that slope and courtesy forbade us from leaving without him. No, he
had to come with us.
After some debate and a great deal of counselling (from me) Charles was eventually
persuaded to get in. We positioned him on the 'upper side' so his back was against the slope
of the hill rather than the drop, and he wore my cap and sunglasses to shade him against the
worst of the horrors.
Once installed, I looked over at Jack and could see by his expression that he had now
rated this property, and those involved with it, as another unmitigated catastrophe. So we
were not the happiest of crews. Jack settled into a concentrated sulk whilst Charles studied
his toes, seemingly deep in prayer, and winced each time
signore's
folding windscreen in-
voluntarily collapsed with a resounding
slap
on the heater air-intakes.
We finally reached level ground and started scanning around for the alleged rampant
population of rabbits but there wasn't a single bunny to be seen. Jack's misery was becom-
ing markedly more obvious. He had now developed a slight facial tic and begun to tap his
watch face repeatedly, both actions of which made poor Charles even more anxious.
