Travel Reference
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Since phone conversations with Jane had a way of careening wildly without warning from
one topic to another, I had developed the eccentric, but to my mind utterly necessary, habit
of composing talking points before I called her.
My notes for this conversation read:
Throwing a housewarming party
;
need help with
guest list
;
phone numbers
, followed by a list of people I thought she might have numbers
for.
“A party!” she exclaimed, thirty seconds into our call, just as I was preparing to read
her my list. “Are you sure that's a good idea?”
I gazed wistfully at my talking points, which were losing relevance with every passing
moment.
“Why wouldn't it be?” I asked, a note of resignation flattening my voice.
“I'm not saying it isn't, I'm just asking.”
“But by asking you're implying it's not.”
“Hey buddy, don't put words in my mouth.”
This spoken in her best
faux
tough-guy voice, followed by a raucous laugh.
“Okay Jane,” I said wearily. “Give me two reasons why we shouldn't have a party. No,
give me three.”
There followed a short pause. Maybe she was the one compiling talking points now.
“Well, I'll probably end up doing most of the work. That's number one.”
“Doubtful. But if you do, you'll be paid handsomely.”
“Okay, scratch that one.”
“Number two?”
“Oh, I don't know. I just can't imagine it working out.”
“That's not a reason. That's a lack of imagination on your part. Number three?”
Another pause, this one longer.
“I know you won't believe this, but I'm kind of weird about parties. Basically I don't
like them. And I'll feel obligated to come to yours.”
“Then I won't invite you.”
“You don't invite me, I'll never speak to you again.”
☼ ☼ ☼
It took us two weeks to get everyone invited to our little celebration. We resorted to
everything short of semaphore to reach several of our more obscure invitees.
There was Roger, for instance, the guy who had painted our house. Sure, he'd painted
it the wrong color but that wasn't his fault. It was Daniel's fault, and he very decidedly was
not
on our guest list.
I had found Roger's phone number on a slip of paper Daniel left behind the day he par-
ted company with us and had called him a couple of days later to ask what went wrong with
the wall color.
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