Relatively Awful - The Coconut Chronicles: Two Guys, One Caribbean Dream House - page 221

“Let me re-phrase. Do you know of any reason why we wouldn't want to rent our house
to them?”
“Sweetheart, I haven't seen these people in decades. Rent away.”
☼ ☼ ☼
Kevin called me from the airport in Vieques.
“How do we get to the house?”
“Didn't you call Jane from San Juan?”
At Jane's request, we always asked our guests to call her just before boarding their
flight to Vieques, because (in Jane's memorable phrase) “time slips in Puerto Rico.”
“No, we didn't think it was necessary,” he answered impatiently. “Our flight left on
time.”
“In that case, I'm sure she's sitting at home waiting for your call.”
“She should be here . We told her our flight number. She could have called the airline
and found out it was on time.”
“She used to do that, Kevin. And she ended up spending hours sitting at the airport
waiting for so-called on-time flights that were seriously delayed.”
A short pause while he retrenched.
“Anyway, I've lost her number.”
“I'll be happy to call her for you. Just wait at the airport.”
Jane called a couple of hours later.
“Did you say these folks are relatives of yours?”
“Very distant. Emphasis on 'very.' And 'distant.'”
“I thought Southern people were supposed to be polite.”
“There are still a few left. Take me for instance.”
“We'll let that pass for now. In the meantime, your cousins have asked me to come back
tomorrow and drive them to the beach. Because they didn't rent a car .”
She spoke the last sentence in the same tone one might use to say, “He stabbed his
mother to death with a butter knife.”
“I know. It's part of their budget travel routine.”
“What should I do?”
Jane so rarely asked my opinion and I could barely muster a response.
“Don't take them.”
“I already said I would.”
“I'll call Kevin.”
I reached him ten minutes later.
“Jane can't take you to the beach.”
“She said she would.”
He sounded very relaxed.