Downward Spiral - The Coconut Chronicles: Two Guys, One Caribbean Dream House - page 170

“Yes! Jane says it looks great.”
“She saw it?”
“She went to Alfredo's shop.”
“She's a treasure.”
“She's a goddess!”
“You need to rest.”
☼ ☼ ☼
Jane called us two days later.
“It doesn't fit,” she said.
“Excuse me?”
“Your new staircase. It doesn't fit in the hole.”
“It doesn't fit?” I repeated, genuinely puzzled. “I don't get it.”
“Neither do I—and I was there when they tried to install it. Eight men hauled it in and
stood it up straight. It looked perfect. I swear it gleamed in the sunlight but it didn't fit in
the hole.”
Michael, having caught the gist of our conversation, grabbed the phone out of my hand.
“You mean it's too big?”
“Not really.”
“Too small?”
“Not so much. It's the…” she hesitated, clearly at a loss for words. “You know, the way
it faces.”
“The orientation?”
“Yes!”
“I don't understand,” he said.
“Well, everything starts out okay at the top, but when you get to the bottom you run
into the balustrade.”
Michael put her on speakerphone so I could hear. We both tried to picture the problem.
“So he miscalculated?” he asked.
“I guess,” she replied, clearly at a loss.
“So what's next?”
“They took it away.”
“The staircase?”
“Yep. To fix it. It took nine men.”
I couldn't resist weighing in.
“It took more men to take it out than to bring it in?”
“They were depressed.”
“But if the orientation doesn't work it doesn't work,” Michael commented, bringing us
back to reality. “I mean, there are only so many variables here. The tread size is a given, the