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stunned and sits down in a state of shock. After a long pause he berates his wife for the
insensitive way she presented him with such horrible news.
“You could have called me and said, 'The cat's on the roof, and we're having trouble get-
ting her to come down.' Then you could have called a little later and said, 'The fire depart-
ment is coming, and they will try to get her down.” Then finally you could have called to
say, 'I have some sad news. The fire department went up and got her, but she jumped out
of their arms and ran across the street. She was hit by a car, and although we tried to save
her, she just didn't make it.' ”
The wife apologizes and tells her husband that she understands now. A few weeks pass by,
and the husband receives a call at work one day from his wife.
“What's up?”
“ Well, your mother is on the roof…”
It felt a bit like that as they broke it to me gently, in bite size segments. Yes, I have endo-
carditis. Yes, it's quite serious. And the therapy? I would need to stay in the hospital for at
least three weeks, probably longer, taking antibiotics intravenously for several hours a day
until all evidence of infection is completely gone.
As I ponder all this, they explain that after the endocarditis is cured, I will require an inter-
vention to repair the damaged valve.
“An intervention? Do you mean open-heart surgery?”
They nod gravely. Jesus Christ, how is this possible? Then, one of the doctors asks, “Have
you had your teeth cleaned recently?”
“Yes, about a month ago by my dentist when I was in the States.”
They exchange a knowing look and assure me that, most likely, that's when and how I got
the infection. They head off to see other patients and leave me wondering how I ever man-
aged to fall down this rabbit hole.
***
It all seemed plausible until they told me that I got an infection in a heart valve by having
my teeth cleaned. At this point, I'm ready to gather together my stuff and make a run for
it. The dental cleaning theory of heart disease seems to me to be on a par with draft theory:
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