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skills. She said that when she was invited to the home of friends for dinner and they offered
heracupofcoffeeafterwards,shewouldpolitelydecline,andtheywouldjustletthematter
drop. She meanwhile was too polite to ask for that cup of coffee that she always loved to
have after a meal. After the third or fourth similar experience, she had learned her lesson.
From that point forward, whenever anyone in Hamburg offered her anything she wanted,
she said “Yah!” the first time around in a loud, clear voice.
I blush to think how many times over the years we must have come up for a visit, or
lingered to have Vinsanto and biscotti, or stayed for dinner when the offer was only made
as an expression of graciousness and not in earnest. And God only knows how many guests
we've sent home without second helpings and without a cup of coffee…
Coming and Going
Last but not least, one of the courtesies that I find most endearing is the practice of greeting
and taking leave whenever you enter or exit a public space. People visiting a dentist's of-
fice, a café, a neighborhood clothing store, a grocery or a hospital ward say “Buongiorno”
when they enter and “Arrivederci” when they leave. It's addressed to no one in particular;
it's like saying, “Greetings, my fellow humans!” People often say “Arrivederci” to their
fellow travelers when they get off a bus or, believe it or not, when they step out of an elev-
ator if there has been even the tiniest bit of conversation among them.
Greeting and taking leave is one of the many simple rituals of courtesy here that humanize
publiclifeandpublicspaces.Ithelpsyouunderstandwhynoneofthegreatmodernistmed-
itations on alienation and disenchantment have been written in Tuscany.
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