Courtesy - Turning Tuscan: A Step-by-Step Guide to Going Native - page 166

Or in the Robin Hood genre of medieval action films where the sneering villain threatens
the Prince:
“If my Lord wishes to survive the morrow, he had best call off his dogs right now!”
In modern Italian, you use “he” instead of “you” when you speak politely to someone. As
in: “Has he even been to visit Assisi?” instead of “Have you ever been to visit Assisi?” It
takes a little getting used to, but eventually you get the hang of it, and it all starts to seem
normal.
The plural polite form exists as well but is used much less frequently, and only by the ex-
tremelypolite.Whenwefirstheardit,wewereclueless.Wewouldvisitanelderlyneighbor
in Montesantini who would say things like, “I heard that they went to Florence yesterday. It
must have been really hot there.” We would reply, “Yes, as a matter of fact, we were there
also yesterday, and it really was extremely hot.” All the while wondering who “they” were,
the mysterious couple whose life seemed to parallel ours in so many ways.
French has analogous forms of formal and informal address, but French uses the second
person plural instead of the third person singular as in Italian. So, someone addressing you
formally in French would say, “Have y'all ever been to Assisi?” when there's just you in
the room. Grammatically, the variation amounts to a simple difference, but culturally the
rules for the use of formal vs. informal vary enormously between Italy and France.
We have French friends whom we have known for nearly twenty years. We have been their
houseguests in Paris on numerous occasions as they have been ours in Tuscany. We've at-
tended family gatherings in their home on festive occasions; we exchange photos of the
kids. Yet they still address us formally after all this time. I believe I've only ever heard
them use “ tu ” when speaking with family and childhood friends.
For Italians it's completely different. The formal mode is used whenever you ask a stranger
for directions, when a clerk waits on you, for professional relationships, when address-
ing your elders, when you're first introduced to someone. Under these and similar circum-
stances it is considered simple courtesy to use formal address. But, Italians are more than
happy to take off their suit and tie as soon as the situation permits. They'll switch out of
formal attire once they feel they can do so without any risk of offense. When they are first
getting to know you, they circle and probe and constantly test the waters looking for the
earliest opportunity to drop formality and include you in their casual, friendly universe.