Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
square-jawed, fresh-faced, steely-eyed recruits to the ranks of the Democrats might boost
their cause immeasurably.
How you look is vitally important in American politics. Experiments show that even
young children can pick the winners of political elections on the basis of photographs
alone. Who cares if you believe in nuking Iran as long as your teeth sparkle? A recent Irish
prime minister who bore a distinct resemblance to a toad would not have made it to Capitol
Hill even as an intern.
There is an ideal of feminine beauty in the States which is distinctly non-European. It fa-
vours high cheekbones, thin faces and very wide mouths. Quite a few famous female movie
stars in the States look like this. The faces of American women can seem over-expressive
to an outsider's eye, with the flesh too tightly moulded to the feeling. American women are
also the only group of human beings in the world who sometimes nod as they speak, and
then continue to nod for a second or two after they have fallen silent.
Vile Bodies
Physically speaking, American tourists in the centre of London or Dublin are easily iden-
tifiable. For one thing, they are usually the most tastelessly dressed of overseas visitors.
Many of the men wear tartan, lumberjack-like shirts, which are so common that one sus-
pects they must be issued to all prospective male tourists by the federal government. Per-
haps Washington also makes wearing them compulsory, since it is hard to see why else
anyone would do so. The old men wear their trousers too high and have bleached, scaly,
lizard-like skin, of a kind only ever seen on elderly American males. Shuffling along in
twos and threes, they look like a leper colony on a day out.
Tourists from the States also stand out because a good many of them tend to hobble and
waddle, being overweight and unused to walking. In fact, by the end of a day in Stratford
or Edinburgh, they may well have done more hobbling and waddling than they have done
back home for the past ten years. Like other tourists, Americans arrive equipped with a
cunning device which saves them from having to look at what they are standing in front of.
This is known as a camera or cell phone. Perhaps tourists from different parts of the globe
could simply send their cameras and cell phones by mail to various overseas tourist boards,
who would take snapshots on their behalf for a modest fee and send them back. This would
save prospective visitors a good deal of time, money and painful hobbling.
One of the many paradoxes of the United States is that it is both fleshly and ascetic,
worldly and otherworldly. The nation is as metaphysical as it is materialistic. The will
which drives you to accumulate goods also detaches you from them. It does so because all
such goods are finite, and therefore imperfect. If the will gorges itself upon them, it does
so with its gaze fixed steadfastly on infinity. There is something profoundly religious about
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