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while the spouse and children stay behind in the home country. Husband and wife com-
municate regularly over long distance, but both have to endure a great deal of stress. The
marriage inevitably goes through a tremendous trial.
Even though he and his wife had long prepared for the separation, Randolf still isn't im-
mune from its effects. He has no one to come home to after work. All he can think of is the
good old days and how much he wishes he were in Austria with his family. Knowing he
cannot watch his son grow up for two crucial years of his life makes him sad and lonely.
His original plan of furthering his career for the sake of his family turns out feeling like a
trap.
Most of his foreign friends in Guangzhou are either genuine bachelors or have their
families with them. Thus they find it difficult to empathize with his loneliness and inner
turmoil. Randolf inevitably avoids sharing his frustrations with them. Meanwhile, when
speaking or writing to his wife, he keeps up a happy front, so as not to add to her own list
of worries.
He buries himself in work to fill his emptiness. At the same time, he deprives himself
of leisure activities, including joining friends for weekends in Hong Kong, in order to save
money. He feels guilty spending anything on himself. He took this overseas assignment in
the first place in order to produce more income. He has convinced himself that the more he
can save up, the more the sacrifice will have been worth it.
Depriving yourself is not the way to deal with an extended separation. After all, a person
cannot stop living until reunited with the spouse. Maintaining a healthy social life is vital
to an individual's mental health.
Meanwhile, it is essential that both spouses put extra effort into communicating their
fears, worries, positive and negative feelings to each other. Through such emotional ex-
change, a couple can provide mutual support and maintain a sense of closeness. In addition,
regular visits should be scheduled so that both partners have something to look forward to,
making separation more tolerable.
People in such situations have difficulties not only during the extended separation, but
also when they get back together. Both sides have made many sacrifices. Naturally, they
have high expectations for the reunion. But the fact is, the couple haven't lived with each
other for several years.
As in long-distance relationships in general, when couples separate, they tend to think
of the good qualities of the other and forget the defects. When they encounter each other
again later they are reminded of all the past annoyances or negative aspects of their spouse.
What's more, acculturation and other factors may have made them grow apart from one an-
other. One or both may find it difficult to accept the changes or differences between them.
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