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Her friends having painted a rosy picture of her life in an exotic foreign land, Shirley felt
almost compelled to live up to the image. When she tried to point out the disadvantages,
they dismissed her “grumbling” as false humility. Quietly she swallowed the complaints
and dissatisfaction. With no one to whom she can pour her heart out, her high hopes of re-
experiencing the old closeness and support with friends and relatives all but disappeared.
Back in Bangkok, Shirley's husband Jeffrey has been very understanding of his wife's
frustration.
Though he feels lonely during her frequent absences, nevertheless he encourages her to
travel back to Australia if she believes it will help her. Jeffrey at the same time is making
headway in building up his own network. His job is demanding but rewarding. Through
work he is meeting lots of people and making friends. Naturally, he feels more settled in
the new environment.
When people move to a foreign country it isn't surprising that some may be tempted to
return home often. However, for individuals like Shirley, there are probably some real trig-
gering issues behind her frequent flights home.
Shirley views most things in the new country as temporary. For her, home is still back in
Australia and she believes making new friends is a waste of time and effort.
At the same time, she resents having let Jeffrey's career advancement dominate over
hers. Because of him she gave up her job, friends and community status. Deep inside she
feels she is losing control. Returning home is her way of not letting go of what she had and
of not giving in to Jeffrey and the situation after all.
Shirley runs home to Australia to relieve her frustration at living in a foreign place.
When she feels bad, she hops on a plane. This is like taking an aspirin for a toothache. The
pain may subside, but unless the underlying problem is treated, the discomfort will always
reappear.
She feels like the victim of the situation, but she is in fact unconsciously sabotaging
herself from making any adjustments. Such behavior indicates unspoken aggression on her
part: She refuses to give in to living in Thailand. This is probably an extension of her re-
sentment at submitting to her husband's wish to move there in the first place.
Shirley's frequent visits home deprive her of the chance of ever feeling settled down.
After all, she never sticks around long enough to build her own social support. By dis-
tancing herself from Bangkok, by not making an effort to find a niche for herself, by not
allowing time for real friendships to develop, she is reinforcing her own dissatisfaction at
living there. It is another vicious cycle.
As Shirley has found out, each return trip becomes less satisfying than the last. Eventu-
ally she may feel rootless both in Bangkok and Australia. Furthermore, the delay in resolv-
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