Daily life dilemmas - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 73

Superficially, her weight seems to be the cause of her problems and dissatisfaction. Yet
upon further exploration, it is clear that her weight problem is only the symptom of a deep-
er issue which had not been recognized.
Louise's weight problem is not necessarily caused by only one factor. It could be a com-
bination of hormonal changes, poor diet, poor impulse control and problems in family life.
According to Louise, she was pregnant with her second child four months after relocat-
ing overseas. Soon after that her husband was promoted to Regional Director of his com-
pany. The new position required that George travel more frequently. With the arrival of the
new family member and her husband frequently away from home, the family was forced to
restructure on two levels at once.
Within a family, each member has a role which he or she is comfortable with. Family
members will unconsciously shift roles to adapt to changes in the family situation. Louise's
family has adapted to a new triangular arrangement of mother and two children.
Since the family is running smoothly without George's frequent presence, gradually they
have become comfortable with the new family structure.
Changes in family structure are subtle and hard to recognize. When the change is caused
by a seemingly positive event—George's promotion—it is that much more difficult to ac-
knowledge.
Louise has very much become both mother and father to the two children. From house-
hold decisions to child discipline, everything falls on her shoulders. Even when George is
home Louise remains in command. To some extent, George's contribution, other than fin-
ancial, has become limited and less significant.
In practical terms, Louise has no trouble meeting the needs of the family. However,
when it comes to her own need for spousal companionship and support, and for emotional
and physical affection, she is in a state of desperation. During her limited time alone with
her husband she tries not to overwhelm him with her troubles. Instead of spilling out her
feelings she forces them back. Emotionally, she has an empty hole inside her, needing to be
filled.
Eating is her way of filling the hole. The lonelier she feels, the more she eats. The
more she feels cut off emotionally, the more frequently she tends to nibble. When she isn't
pleased with how she looks and feels, she becomes depressed and dissatisfied. Momentary
relief comes by indulging in food. Such a pattern becomes a vicious cycle.
Tackling an eating problem requires dealing with the habitual eating and the underlying
causes simultaneously. Reining in the habit of overeating is only half of the process. One
needs to set reachable goals to reduce eating between meals and follow an appropriate diet.
Overeaters Anonymous is a good source of support in dealing with habitual eating.