Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
According to Rosemary, everywhere she goes she keeps entering unhealthy relationships
and ends up being taken advantage of or exploited. Likewise, apparently good relationships
often fall apart. Her experiences frustrate her and cause tremendous inner turmoil.
In fact, Rosemary's problem goes far deeper than the issue of societal limitations. It is
rooted in her attitude toward intimate relationships and her low self-esteem. This has much
to do with her upbringing. Her mother left the family when Rosemary was five. Her father
remarried twice and she was never welcomed by her stepmothers. Rosemary grew up feel-
ing rejected and lacking emotional nourishment.
Individuals who bear the deep scars of rejection often doubt their self-worth and ques-
tion the genuineness of others' acceptance. They actually become suspicious of any
friendly gesture. If someone shows interest in making friends with them they may react
with hostility or skepticism. Eventually they force others into rejecting them.
This syndrome was summed up neatly by Groucho Marx, who wisecracked: “I don't
want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.” In other words, people with
low opinions of themselves think the only reason others actually accept them is because
they don't really know what they are getting into. And yet, people with emotionally de-
prived upbringings crave love and acceptance. Sometimes they let themselves get into bad
or exploitative situations just to win approval.
Such destructive patterns of driving others away and/or falling into harmful relationships
actually reinforce the sense of rejection and worthlessness. It becomes a vicious cycle.
People growing up with a feeling of rejection can be haunted for life and totally lose ob-
jectivity in viewing themselves. All they feel is self-criticism, self-rejection and self-depre-
ciation. Often the problem is so deep-seated that individuals are unable to recognize what
is leading them into such destructive behavior.
A person like Rosemary may end up concluding that she doesn't fit in anywhere. Feeling
a misfit led her into leaving the United States in the first place, in the belief that she needed
a fresh start. But each place she goes, the pattern of desperation and rejection repeats itself.
Again feeling the misfit, she moves on to the next place. Expatriate communities around
the world are dotted with lonely self-imposed exiles like Rosemary.
To conquer this problem, the drifter has to finally stop looking for love and acceptance
in a place and find it within her or himself. The first step is to recognize your own patterns.
If you find yourself repeatedly falling back into the same mistakes or the same types of un-
healthy relationships you should flash the red signal. Stop and think, before moving on. The
desperate search for love and approval often drives people into vulnerable and unhealthy
relationships. In the end, they find no relationship and no one place can really fulfill their
needs. Therefore, instead of searching from outside it is necessary to find acceptance from
within. Love yourself as you might love a child who has been badly hurt. Provide tender-
Search WWH ::
Custom Search