Stress at work and home - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 51

his own ambition and desires. By the time the argument erupted their marriage was on the
verge of breaking up.
It is rather tragic that a marriage has to come to such a stage. Ironically, Peter feels he is
overworking for the good of the family, while Joan feels she is remaining silent about her
frustration for Peter's good. Obviously they care for each other. But they make assumptions
about what is good for the other and intentionally avoid conflicts. “Trying to do what's best
for the other” is actually killing the marriage.
Couples in a similar situation need to confront the real issues. Working spouses need to
prioritize their lives and make a clear division between work and family life. When off-
duty, begin by turning off the cell phone, computer, and other networked and electronic
distractions, to be exclusively with the family.
The other spouse needs to voice her or his feelings and not let things build. Otherwise,
unresolved resentments will eventually leak out which can be even more damaging to the
marriage. Open communication—the most vital ingredient in any relationship—will not
only help resolve conflicts such as Peter and Joan's, but prevent them from arising in the
first place.
C OPING WITH JEALOUSY
Hard work, responsibility, and a fast-paced environment are not the only factors that con-
tribute to stress. Jealousy, too, which in mild doses can inspire a person to higher achieve-
ment, if allowed to fester, will eat up a person inside.
Expatriate society, with its small, close-knit numbers, and its top-heavy professional and
economic mix, provides a breeding ground for jealousy. Those foreign residents who don't
fit the stereotype of the “glamorous expat lifestyle” are likely to be reminded of this day in
and day out by others and themselves.
“It doesn't seem fair. I work hard for my school and students and see what I get.”
Gary, 29 years old, pounded his fist on the desk.
“Look at Bill: no talent, but gets all the things you and I ever wanted...fat salary, free
luxury housing, car...”
Gary moved to Hong Kong 18 months ago for change and adventure. But lately he has
been feeling increasingly dissatisfied, unappreciated and unmotivated. He is tempted to
quit his teaching job and move back to New Zealand. He is having a hard time facing him-
self and suffers from insomnia.
He says that he has become extremely conscious of his social status in Hong Kong. Back
home Gary rarely mingled with well-off executives. But here among the small expatriate