Third culture kids - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 35

insomnia, headaches and stomach pains. Richard himself asked to come home shortly after
school started.
Since Richard has no previous history of physical or emotional problems, he is most
likely reacting to the stress of changes in his life. Richard clearly isn't coping.
Moving to a new environment requires emotional maturity, courage and a willingness to
adapt. Though England was his birth place, it hasn't been home for most of his life, so from
Richard's point of view he was delivered to a distant foreign country and is likely to feel
very alien there. The adjustment that an expatriate teenager has to go through when moving
halfway around the world to study is no less than what his parents went through when they
moved overseas in the first place. The difference is, the parents did it as fully-mature adults,
with their whole family, whereas Richard is doing it alone. Cultural adjustment, homesick-
ness, the pressure of adjusting to the new school, teachers and peers, and overall reluctance
to be where he is, could be too much for him to bear.
A child relocating alone faces additional issues. They have to undergo a drastic change
of family structure. They must be responsible for their self-care, live in a disciplined insti-
tutional setting and learn to rely less on adult support. People at such an age are discovering
their self-identity. They like to show off in order to demonstrate their “specialness”. Expat-
riate children who have broad experience traveling or living in a different culture may hold
themselves above their peers or be envied by them. This can slow down their progress in
mixing with a new group of friends.
Most parents believe that boarding school offers their child a dose of independence.
Thus, much effort is made to find the “right” school and guardian, while less attention is
given to the emotional readiness of the child. In fact, independence is a gradual process,
which requires guidance, encouragement and time. Regardless of their relationship with
their parents, the separation is traumatic.
Often adults make the assumption that children will adapt easily and quickly. Parents
sometimes are misled by their child's rapid body growth into thinking they are mature or
“adult”. However, at Richard's age, not every child has the emotional maturity to endure
dramatic change and tolerate stress brought on by leaving the warm family bonds. The ad-
justment can be more painful than a child may admit to parents, who have loaded him with
so many hopes and expectations.
Too often when youngsters are put into situations that they are not ready for they simply
mask their fear and insecurity by repressing their emotions. Prematurely pushing adoles-
cents to be independent may conversely result in them having more self-doubt than confid-
ence. All this can have a long-term impact on their mental health and future relationships,
which can continue into adulthood.