Third culture kids - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 34

own”. They enjoy living in different parts of the world. They expect Katy to experience the
same spirit of adventure. They fail to realize the impact the relocations have on Katy.
Like most parents, they believe children can adapt to new surroundings much faster than
adults. Therefore no special effort was made to help Katy adjust, beyond the superficial de-
tails of currency, food, and so on. Their social lives and entertaining preoccupy them and
leave very little time for Katy.
Feeling alone and uncared for by her parents, Katy reacts with hostility and resentment.
Consequently, she retreats within herself.
Katy's case is one of many expatriate children whose families are transient. In such families
both the child and parents can experience hurt. Both can feel unloved and unappreciated.
Often the problem can be traced to less-than-open communication within the family. The
only way to bridge the gap is through direct expression of feelings rather than making as-
sumptions about each other.
Special effort is needed, especially on the parents' part, to help children adjust to a new
environment. Giving them time and patience is the first step. Parents need to resist the
temptation of offering money to their children instead of time. In most cases, time, love and
affection offered by parents can do their children far more good than therapy.
Parents and children should cherish their precious moments as a family. Career, enter-
taining and travel are all important, but nothing can replace or compensate for those price-
less few years of family togetherness before the children grow up and are gone.
W HY EXPATRIATE CHILDREN SUFFER AT BOARDING SCHOOL
There are many good reasons to send children to the homeland or a third country to attend
boarding school. It is often assumed from birth that a child will go. In some circumstances,
the host country educational system doesn't suit the needs or requirements of the children.
There are so many reasons, in fact, that a great number of parents never stop to think that
there may possibly be disadvantages. But unless a child is of the right mind and character,
the move could cause lasting psychological damage.
“It hurts me to see him so unhappy. But we don't want him to just come home and
stop trying. One of these days he has to learn to adapt,” Beth said.
Beth and her husband have lived in Malaysia and Indonesia for over eleven years. Seven
months ago they sent their eldest son, Richard, 13, to boarding school in England. They
have been informed by the school that their son is antisocial and frequently complains of