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“Sure, I can show off to friends that I'll have lived around the world before I turn
twenty. But what do I get? Nothing. No friends, busy parents and no place I feel is
home.”
Katy, age 14, relocated to Bangkok with her family about six months ago. Her father's
job requires them to move around. Bangkok is the fourth place they have lived in the last
six years, after Cairo, Jakarta and Mumbai.
According to her mother, Katy has been depressed, anti-social and withdrawn for the
past two months.
During a recent family trip her parents tried to talk with Katy about her feelings, but
found it difficult to get their daughter to open up to them. Finally, they sought therapy.
Katy apparently feels hostile towards her parents. She blames them for treating her like
merchandise. “They send me here and pay to get me fixed. But they never have time for
me or to hear what I have to say,” Katy chokes with tears.
After several weeks, her mother was invited to join one therapy session.
“Of course we care about you, Katy,” Mom said. “I thought you enjoy your inde-
pendence. You know your Dad and I are busy and have to do lots of entertaining.
We figured you're old enough and don't want to be dragged along to parties. So we
give you money to go out with your friends, and we never question your whereabouts.
We thought this would show how much we trust and respect you,” Katy's mother ex-
plained.
“Sure, I have all the money I need so I can go out...and you don't care where I am!
At least I won't be in your way and you and Dad don't have to see me or deal with
me. I bet you never notice whether I'm there or not,” Katy said bitterly.
Clearly there is misunderstanding between mother and daughter. Each tends to see
things only from their own perspective. Both feel rejected and unloved.
Adolescence is the time young people begin to find their own identity. Identification
with peers is an important part of this process. However, in Katy's case, the frequent relo-
cations deprive her of a stable environment where she can be part of a regular peer group.
Each time the family moves, Katy has to start all over again: adjusting to a new environ-
ment, new school system and worst of all, to a new group of peers who may or may not
accept her. She feels building friendships is a waste of effort because inevitably the family
will move again. The risk of rejection has put Katy in a rather defensive state. So, instead
of reaching out to friends she turns to her parents for security and comfort.
Without a clear understanding of what she is going through, Katy's parents try to nourish
their daughter's sense of independence, with good intentions, by “letting her be on her
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