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Whatever George's good intentions, he doesn't realize by doing this he actually makes
Heidi more determined to find out what is going on with him. Her constant prying is the
result of the worries which he has tried so hard to prevent her from experiencing. What Ge-
orge attempts to avoid eventually comes about from his own doing.
Meanwhile, Heidi has her own needs. Alone all day or with the kids, by evening she is
desperate for her husband's companionship, as if his being home is the only fulfilling time
in her day. George senses this and feels pressured as a result.
What is happening between Heidi and George is basic misinterpretation of each other's
message. When one doesn't know where their partner is coming from it is very easy to mis-
read the situation. This can lead to hurt, anger, and accusations on both sides. It will take
some direct clarification and sharing to sort things out.
First, Heidi must understand and respect George's needs. He requires some time to un-
wind and be himself for a little while before he can be a good companion. Thus, leaving
him alone is essential. It will be helpful if Heidi uses that time to do something for herself.
A short rest, an evening jog or a phone call to a friend can give her a chance to refresh her-
self before she shares the evening with her partner.
Likewise, George needs to directly state his thoughts. He should allow his wife to un-
derstand him rather than run her around in a game of waiting and guessing. Through direct
communication he can save himself and Heidi from trouble and annoyance.
Unless both partners are willing to share their feelings and thoughts, the assumptions
they build about each other will become a wall between them. However, sensitivity to each
other's feelings will help avoid unnecessary misunderstanding. With a little creative think-
ing on both sides, the evenings can get off to a good start instead of being unpleasant for
everyone.
W
IVES
WHO
LIVE
IN
FEAR
OF
THEIR
HUSBANDS
The moment the man walks in the door is not the same for every wife. Most married wo-
men, whether they have their own careers or are homemakers, look forward each day to
seeing their husbands after work. It may be out of eagerness to share each other's company,
or out of relief at having someone else there to help take care of the children and household
chores. But for a great many women, the man's homecoming is something to be dreaded.
Will he be sweet? Or will he be drunk or in one of his raging moods again?
In most countries, more violence takes place at home than on the street. This is no less
true among expatriate communities. The problem of battered expatriate wives is in fact
more serious than people are aware of. These women are pressured into silence by the en-
closed foreign community, for fear that word may get around which will jeopardize their
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