The expatriate marriage - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 21

her point of view, her husband is simply impatient with her. This heightens her frustration
and complaints.
In the meantime, his fatigue often makes it difficult for him to perform and he ends
up losing patience with himself and his wife. Sometimes he views Wendy as demanding
something he couldn't give. He finds love-making gradually becoming merely a chore.
Allen tries to maintain a happy married life and keep up with his busy workload as
well. Recognizing his wife's needs and frustration, he tries to comfort and be giving. Yet
Wendy's orgasmic difficulties inevitably cause him anxiety and fear regarding his sexual
performance. His impotence is the result of such pressure.
The first step for Allen is to work on the physical problem—a sex therapist can recom-
mend various exercises which can help treat impotence.
Restoring a strong marital relationship is the most important factor for Allen. Allen's
sexual dysfunction is a circular cause and effect, perpetuated by him and his spouse. In
order to tackle this problem he needs to involve his wife. It is important for him and his
wife to be sensitive to each other to gain an understanding of what triggers the impotence.
Hopefully, through such sharing he can also help Wendy to deal with her frustration.
Provided Allen can resolve his psychological pressures, most likely his depression will
go away, as will his sexual problems.
Impotence is an ego-threatening problem for most males. It is a treatable problem as
long as a man is willing to deal with it directly. With patience, sensitivity, and professional
guidance, it can usually be corrected.
Q UESTIONS AND ANSWERS AREN ' T CONVERSATIONS
Trust and respect do not center only around major issues such as sex, marital fidelity or
finances. In fact, communication breakdown within a marriage usually originates in more
everyday issues.
For example, the way marital partners relate to one another when returning home from
work is often a revealing indication of the state of a marriage. One spouse wants to talk, the
other doesn't.
This is a very delicate time of the day for any couple, something which most people
don't realize. It is particularly sensitive for many expatriate couples. The working expat-
riate spouse often has greater pressures and longer working hours than back home. Mean-
while, the non-working spouse, usually the wife, is more isolated, often having given up
her career, and has fewer contacts with the community than in the past. Thus, when he
walks in the door, each needs something very different. Unless handled on both sides with
tact, courtesy and respect, those first few minutes home can give rise to hurt and misun-