Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
This is especially true when one partner travels frequently. This sort of mistrust can do as
much harm to a marriage as an actual adulterous act. In such a climate, assertions of fidel-
ity can even add fuel to the fire of suspicion.
“How can I reassure my wife that I don't sleep around during my business trips?”
Nathan said. “When I try to explain this, I actually feel guilty, as if saying it makes it
sound like I'm trying to hide something.”
Nathan, a business executive, travels frequently on his job. He enjoys his work but feels
the job is costing him the trust he once had with his wife. According to Nathan, he and
Karen essentially have a good marriage and they have been very trusting and sensitive to
each other's needs. However, he senses a barrier slowly growing between them and he is
trying to deal with it.
When he returns from his frequent trips, Nathan tries to catch up with his wife and chil-
dren. At times he feels frustrated at being deprived of a normal family life. Knowing that
his wife has to care for the family by herself stirs up guilt in him. He tries to make up for his
absences by being more sensitive to her needs and comments. But sometimes her remarks
cause him discomfort.
“Her girlfriends joke that she should accompany me on my trips. They say she's too
trusting. Then she half-kiddingly asks if she should worry.”
Comments like these started off as little jokes, but as Karen repeats them more and more
often it is beginning to annoy him. He wonders how serious she is. On a good day he can
let it slide, but if he is tired or busy, such remarks provoke unfriendly spats between them.
What Nathan is experiencing is not uncommon among frequent travelers. When a couple
spends so much time apart it is reasonable to wonder what the other half is doing. Human
beings can be quite imaginative in such situations. The more a partner imagines, the more
wild and out of control the thoughts can become. With the spouse not there to clarify all the
concerns, it isn't difficult for fleeting fantasy to turn into worried suspicion.
Social pressure can also cause unnecessary alarm. Many spouses are bombarded by stor-
ies of other unfaithful partners and what they supposedly do during their business trips.
Seeds of doubt are sown in these uncertain home-based spouses. In their minds questions
sprout, such as: “I trust my wife but what if...?” or “I trust my husband but I just don't trust
the women in some of those places...”
When jokes about suspicion or mistrust get out of hand, this is an alarm signal of po-
tential marital discord. This needs attention right away. As Nathan realizes, it is not easy
to open a discussion on “mistrust”. If he tries to bring it up to maintain his innocence, she
might think he's trying to hide something. But if he says nothing, the suspicions remain.
Either way he loses.
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