Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
SET A TIME TO FIGHT
: Don't catch your partner by surprise. When one or both
partners feel discussion is called for, notify the spouse and set an agreeable time so both
sides feel prepared psychologically.
DON'T ACCUMULATE UNFINISHED BUSINESS
: Once things get put off they
can become distorted. Commitment to resolving conflict can also dissipate.
FOCUS ON “HERE AND NOW”
: During the process of sorting out a disagreement,
couples need to remind themselves to deal with the present issue instead of digging out past
history as a weapon to attack each other.
BE SPECIFIC
: Don't generalize. During arguments individuals tend to be more sens-
itive or defensive, so it is important to avoid using words like “never”, “always”, or
“should”. For example: you “never” support me or you “always” put me down. One needs
to be more specific when and how such impressions were received and deal with it directly
without letting the anger spill over everything.
Fights or arguments are unavoidable within a relationship. The important thing is a
couple's willingness to work through it together and use it as a growth experience. One
common complaint is that one or both partners don't have the chance to talk things through
before it builds up to the stage of explosion. It will be helpful for a couple to schedule one
evening per week for themselves. On that specific night they will not accept any outside in-
vitations and reserve time for each other to talk and be together. They can also use the time
to discuss any unresolved business. Commitment to keeping such an evening also shows
commitment to marriage as a life-time partnership.
Open and honest communication is the key to a happy marriage. Communication is a two-
way street which requires both partners to participate. If mutual communication does not
exist, it may be up to one spouse to initiate it. One may feel vulnerable communicating this
way and he or she may risk rejection. Yet the risk will be rewarded and serve as a catalyst
for the partner to open up as well. It is better to take a risk than to give up the chance for a
better marriage.