Problems of moving - Keep Your Life, Family and Career Intact While Living Abroad - page 3

of their traditional emphasis on family and the elderly. For the ones leaving this is a double
blow. They have to adjust to the loss as well as bear the guilt.
Guilt doesn't resolve problems but merely compounds them. Directly expressing one's
feelings to family members will help clarify misunderstandings and open channels for mu-
tual support. All have to give each other time to accept and adapt to the change, and must
realize that separation is a growth process which has benefits as well as drawbacks.
Another major stress factor for people about to move is fear of the future in a foreign
land. Neither Lilian nor her husband has ever been to Australia. Yet they have already said
their goodbyes and rented out their home. There is no question of turning back. But still
their unfamiliarity with Australia is creating uncertainty and anxiety.
Frequent bombardment of advice from family and friends can also be quite exhausting
and stressful. Though offered with good intentions, most advice tends to focus on the neg-
ative. Departees will be told over and over how to prepare for the strange climate, the un-
availability of safe, familiar food, and so on. Such warnings only increase apprehension and
doubt. Since advice is often conflicting, it can further confuse and overwhelm the already
nervous traveler.
People preparing to move overseas have to take advice with a grain of salt. Use your
own judgment and wisdom when listening to suggestions. If necessary, gently tell your en-
thusiastic advisors to step back and give you time to work through it.
The stress of the process of moving abroad cannot be eliminated. However, if appropri-
ate steps are taken it can be minimized.
Usually there are thousands of chores requiring attention prior to the actual move. It is
easy to become overwhelmed and confused. Thus it is helpful to prioritize tasks, make lists,
and tackle chores one at a time. This not only helps to actually get everything done, but will
increase your feeling that things are under control. In order to reduce the anxiety of moving
to a new place it is advisable to make a visit prior to the actual relocation.
It is important for you to be aware of your own mechanisms of responding to stress. In-
stead of repressing the anxious feelings it helps to verbalize them with your spouse, family
members or friends. Through communication, you will find mutual support to deal with the
coming separation and uncertainty.
You should not worry if you feel “not totally prepared”. Everyone feels this way. As
long as you understand what you are going through and don't let the anxiety and stress take
over, you will be able to effectively complete the chores and preparations, and better deal
with the emotional changes.
Individuals in Lilian's situation need to realize that the stress and confusion they exper-
ience are normal. They are part of an adjustment process that will eventually come to an
end. You have to accept and deal with it rather than reproach yourself for feeling that way.